a befuddled wenk.

2007-04-05T22:41:00.001+08:00

We only part to meet again. ~John Gay

saturday blues.

2007-03-10T12:17:00.000+08:00

saturday blues.

currently listening to: barely breathing/duncan sheik.

it's weird how i can't write anymore, and it's even weirder because of the situation i'm in. i used to love to write--whether people were to read my words or not. of course, i wouldn't write anything of importance, but still. writing is writing. and now, i can no longer do it.

i can't invent a title to an article, i can't make subheads, i can't create captions, i can't write cover lines...and when given the opportunity to write actual articles, i find myself unable to do so. i feel like i've lost confidence in myself--that i've lost the ability to write. even worse, i'm starting to feel like i never had this ability in the first place.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
i'm happy, but i'm tired.

there are just certain people i always have to deal with who i consider to be dementors. they just really suck the energy out of me.

i try my best, but it never seems good enough. i can't vent out my frustration, so i wait for the anger and frustration to subside. i try harder next time, but i know that i'll just be wrong again in the end.

it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't happening on a regular basis. it just gets tiring, you know?

underrated.

2007-02-20T18:10:00.000+08:00

underrated.

currently listening to: desire/ryan adams.

You always hear about things that are overrated--movies, songs, restaurants, etc. People tend to rave about how great certain things are, but when you see it or hear it or experience it for yourself, you just find yourself in for a big disappointment.

But some things in life are way too underrated. There are things that you hear people say or do so often that it's begun to mean practically nothing because of how common these things are. However, when you find yourself in a situation so unbelievably new and different...well, then that's another story.

Today,I realized that there are certain things that we say and do in our everyday lives that are extremely underrated.

"I had a bad day."
People say this ALL the time. There's this urge to get drunk or curl up in bed. Why? It depends. Your crush talked to another girl today? You and your boyfriend broke up? Your sister wore your shirt again? Trust me, it could be worse.

"I screwed up."
HA! I bring new meaning to this statement now, and boy, did I screw up.

Hugs.
Just when you think you're stronger and can face the music, you get a hug from someone you least expect, and the waterfalls start coming (again). Hugs have such an unbelievable power to heal, and can almost instantly make you feel better--momentarily, at least. I got a lot of hugs today, and I couldn't stop crying. Not because I felt bad all over again (due to #1 and #2), but because...

"I'm blessed."
Some people, I've known forever, but some, I've known only for a very short period of time. But no matter how badly I screwed up, I'm still surrounded by absolutely great people.

on being content.

2007-02-16T15:26:00.000+08:00

on being content.

currently listening to: seen it all before/amos lee.

what a whirlwind of days it's been. i love how my life is going, although sometimes, i'm convinced it could still be so much better.

the past few days, i've been forced to learn a lesson on contentment. i keep saying i'm happy with something and that i don't need anything else, but i keep looking for something more. i still want this and that and this and that.

but it shouldn't be that way. nope! not at all. bad kris, bad kris.

cravings.

2007-02-01T23:17:00.001+08:00

cravings.

currently listening to:home/brian mcknight.

i miss writing.

sometimes, i feel like i just WANT to write. i HAVE to. i NEED to. i don't care if i have nothing to talk about--i just need some sort of outlet. i just need to somehow satisfy this craving i have to get words down.

actually, it has always depressed me how i never seem to write about anything of remote significance to anyone but myself (sometimes, not even to myself!). i'd love to be able to actually write something, and would give anything to be able to produce output that could be considered quality. it makes me sadder how i feel like i've lost my "talent" for grammar! even using possessives and plurals suddenly make me insecure, and at times, find myself just rewording my sentence. it's so, so, so depressing. i'm getting dumber!

but i've learned to accept that fact that when it comes to writing, i'm suffering from a case of mental block...all the time. in moments like this one, i just want to be able to write for a little while, and silence my little "craving" so i can get to bed...so i apologize, and just let me be. it doesn't really matter. i just want to write.

craving fulfilled. good night! :)

...

2007-01-16T08:48:00.000+08:00

...

i'm sad but i'm happy, but i'm sad but i'm happy.

i've been a bit stressed at work (which is okay, because i actually like stress), and at least the working environment is a busy but fun one. i'm just sad that i'm one of those people who wake up, go to work, go home, and sleep. weekends have become invaluable, because it means i can do much more than just spend a few minutes on the phone before falling asleep on whoever i'm talking to ( i'm so sorry, jv! hehe:) ).

i feel so... old! i mean... i love sleeping late! being puyat is normal! i'm nocturnal, for crying out loud!!! it has never come to a point that i had to choose between going out with friends and getting rest! ever! i was never a social loser! not until this point of my life! suddenly, i neeeeeeeeed sleep! i want it! i crave for it! what's wrong with me!?!?!?

i'm sad because i love what i do, but i'm completely clueluess about it at the same time (only those updated with my life will understand why exactly that is). i want to be good at what i do--extremely good--but there's so much to learn, and there's so much room for error. i'm scared.

but i'm happy :).

new beginnings repeating all over again.

2007-01-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

new beginnings repeating all over again..

currently listening to:when it was over/sara groves.

a fresh start: that's what everyone gets when a new year arrives.

we are given the opportunity to start over.. psychologically, at least. we make resolutions that we intend to keep, we make dreams and goals we wish to accomplish within a 12-month period. we clean out our rooms and desks, and try to rid ourselves of any trash and excess baggage we may have lying around.

the funny thing is that we can do all these things--make resolutions, make new goals, clean our rooms--absolutely any day of any month we wish. it's just that having a brand new calendar to write in gives you the opportunity to forget about all the mess you made the year before, and start off with a fresh page... with all that beautiful white space, you just HAVE to get out your best pen and write in your best penmanship, if you know what i mean. when the new year arrives, we like to think we start with a clean slate.

i WILL make personal resolutions for the year 2007, but i will do them *secretly* (mainly because i haven't yet had enough time to sit down and think about what i want to achieve this year. so one resolution, at the very least, is to come up with time to do that!). i am VERY proud to share with you, however, that i have kept a LOT of my resolutions for the year 2006. no, i did not keep all, but i kept enough to surprise even myself :).

but if the first few hours of the year are any indication as to how the rest of the year is going to be, then it's definitely going to be a GREAT year. as early as the second day of 2007, a great amount of great things are in store for me and my loved ones. it will definitely be a kickass, fantabulous 2007.

here's to love and laughter for everyone! cheers! :)

come and gone.

2006-12-29T09:41:00.000+08:00

come and gone.

currently listening to: eva's music. hehe.

the christmas season just flew by this year. in fact, it flew by so fast that i didn't realize it was over, and that i didn't even get to blog about it! oh my!

the holiday spirit differs as you get older. it just doesn't seem as exciting as it used to be. as opposed to being "the most wonderful time of the year", it's just more of... a break.

the christmas lights in the village used to amaze me so much that my dad and i once went around with our video camera in order to capture all the bongga lights. this year, the houses and streets now seemed lifeless--a sad attempt at seeming festive.

christmas mass wasn't as inspiring this year. the annual mass we go to on christmas eve is one of my favorite parts of the season. it never ever fails to get me in the mood to go home and celebrate christmas "the icasas style". this year, however, there were so many technical difficulties that it was hard to appreciate the beauty of the celebration. instead of the mass giving me tears and bucketloads of appreciation for the season, i just felt like giggling a few times. how sad.

the one thing i am grateful for, of course, is that midnight with my family was as great as ever. pictures have yet to be uploaded on my multiply account, but really, christmas with my family is NOT a boring thing. really. if there were a way to invite all my friends to experience christmas eve with us, i would. we have a way of... spicing this up. and the gifts just keep getting better and funnier :).

so no, christmas is no longer about the gifts, the lights, the parties, or even *gasp* the money... it's more and more about family each year. yay for family! :)

on answered prayers.

2006-12-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

on answered prayers.

currently listening to: fidelity/regina spektor.

anyone who knows me at all knows what sort of situation i've been in the past few months... rather, the lack of situation that i've been in. a situation that's been getting me quite depressed the past few weeks.

however, as of yesterday, i can officially scratch off an important 2006 new year's resolution. prayers were answered just as i was giving up, and the timing was impeccable, as always.

gumagana ang dasal. ang galing talaga.

on changes.

2006-12-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

on changes.

currently listening to: desire/ryan adams.

things are changing so quickly. too quickly.

it's been MONTHS since graduation, but somehow, it only really begins to sink in today how much things have changed and how much people have moved on.

i had lunch with very good college friends (hello k,j,j&j!) today. it was bittersweet because although it was great seeing them again, i knew it was also the last time i was going to see one of them for a LoOoOoNG time because he's graduating and moving back to the province tomorrow =(. it was also weird hearing about their drinking escapades with their officemates or about things that happened with their thesis group or newfound friends--things that didn't involve me at all.

i went online to read a friend's status message saying something like, "IT'S TIME! SEE YOU IN ASIAN HOSPITAL!". i found out a few weeks ago that him and his girlfriend were going to have a baby boy (apparently tonight), and it's just weird because the last time i saw them, she wasn't even pregnant yet.

i checked my multiply account to find that pictures of G&W 2007's christmas party were uploaded. i looked at them and realized that i didn't know everyone anymore, and that it was no longer my G&W batch. it's a new batch of people going to overnights, sleeping in the office, and complaining about bad write-ups. sigh.

it's the same story: blogs, friendster and multiply accounts (and apparently even YM status messages) tell me that the world has moved on--and that it will continue to move on. i'm sad but happy at the same time. i'm extremely happy that things are working out so well for the people i love...

...i just need a little less self-pity to realize that certain things don't include me anymore. but i'm working on it :).

***end of useless and pointless dramatic post***

on giving up.

2006-12-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

on giving up.

currently listening to: desire/ryan adams.

when you feel like giving up on someone or something, all you really need is persistence and a little optimism. not giving up. not giving in. the mere act of believing that things CAN and WILL get better can make a huge difference.

life is better... because i want it to be.

on being true to myself.

2006-12-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

on being true to myself.

currently listening to: you can't always get what you want/the rolling stones.

a few weeks ago, i thought i was hitting rock-bottom. it's been months since graduation and somehow, all the "aren't you working yet?" and "you're still a bum!?!" questions were really starting to get to me and were starting to make me feel like a first-class loser. thoughts like "no one wants me", "i'm not good enough to do anything" and "i'm a failure" crossed my mind at all times of the day.

but things have changed now. yes, i am still unemployed, but i am more content with my present state. i no longer feel sorry for myself. i no longer feel the urge to hide from friends online, trying to avoid embarassing questions regarding my employment status. i am finally excited about christmas, instead of dreading it for the sole reason that "i have no money to buy anyone presents".

i am content and i am blessed. i have a fabulously supportive family and group of friends, and that's all i really need at present. the rest will come later--in due time--and i'm completely fine with that :).

( and thank you to everyone who posted a comment in the previous post. the extremely strange and funny memories really cheered me up!!!:) )

who are the blog visitors in your neighborhood?

2006-11-23T17:36:00.000+08:00

who are the blog visitors in your neighborhood?

currently listening to: longing town/duncan sheik.

for lack of better things to post about (actually there are, i just don't feel like it yet), i'll gank something from jj:

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a cut up coke can either way.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

;).

:(.

2006-11-16T22:12:00.000+08:00

:(.

it's no secret that i am a fan of reality shows, and amazing race is extremely on top of that list. amazing race asia, of course, is even higher. i'm so, so, so sad that ernie and jeena got eliminated tonight. in my opinion, they were the nicest, and the most role model-ish. they honestly made me proud to be filipino, and i was heartbroken about their elimination.

sigh. why does it always happen to the good guys? is it me? am i the curse? why do my teams always get eliminated? should i stop watching? :(:(:(.

triggers.

2006-11-05T23:28:00.000+08:00

triggers.

currently listening to: the changeling / the doors.

it was a typical summer day at the green & white office. kel, lor, and myself were going about a day of cleaning up files that we had accumulated over the year, getting ready to move out and move on.

suddenly, from the neighboring publication (hello, MLF!), came a loud and steady beat, and the room was filled with the sound of the doors' "the changeling". the three of us looked at each other, and almost simultaneously, started bobbing our heads to the beat. after a few seconds of head-bobbing, we started to get even more into the groove of the music. the three of us stood up, and danced around the table, forming our own little line dance. so what if we were getting weird stares from our neighbors? so what if it we weren't even dancing to our own music? =P. on that afternoon at that exact moment, we didn't have a care in the world. we danced and didn't stop until we realized that the song was really, really long and that we had to get back to work =P.

i love some songs because of their lyrics. some, because of the melody. and some songs, because of the artist who sang it. but their there are songs that i love because of the memories of people and events that they trigger...like "ignition" is my "summer school with jackie song", and that "time of your life" is my ultimate roadtrip song with the tracksters, and stuff like that. but those are other stories. tonight, it's all about "the changeling" :).

role model.

2006-10-10T09:51:00.000+08:00

role model.

currently listening to:truth / sister hazel.

not much updates from this side of the world because the past few weeks, i've been living other peoples' lives. what do i mean?

well, let's see... i've been identifying myself with the role of a doctor (either in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital or the Seattle Grace Hospital), of someone who has just broken out of prison (from Fox River State Penitentiary), or a simulated character who constantly needs to keep the green bars above my head full in order to remain happy. oh, and sometimes, i also feel like i'm desperately trying to survive on Wisteria Lane. but that's only on days where i'm not in this huge race around the world. there are lots of other characters i play, too--but these are the roles i play most of the time. :)

that's about it. i've got killer pictures of milenyo (killer because they killed our trees! sob!), but it's not like i'm in such a great a hurry to upload them. i've got other characters to play.

oreo's moment of glory!

2006-09-24T15:39:00.000+08:00

oreo's moment of glory!

currently listening to:all you ever wanted/train.

for those of you who know me in real life, you probably know that we have an adorable little(?) doggie named oreo. and guess what? this little doggie of ours was last night's hero.

--------------------------

as the youngest of the family and her friend were watching television last night, a huge, furry rat shot out from under the couch and straight for the door. the girl ran out of the room (not realizing that she was still carrying the remote control), screaming for her father to come down. "a rat! a rat!", she cried.

the rat ran around the house, frantically searching for a place to hide. he was running out of ideas. and so, he ended up going back to the place where he was discovered. the two children, carefully watching his every move, closed the door. the rat was trapped.

the father of the household came down the stairs, awakened by his daughter's cries. he quickly searched for materials he could use to trap the rat. when a makeshift device had been constructed, they opened the door and let the dog loose. "come on, oreo! find him!", they cheered.

the rat, frightened by oreo's not-so-attractive teeth, once again ran out from under the couch, and headed straight for the only exit from the room. he saw the pathetic little device that was supposed to trap him, he took a deep breath and scampered off through a hole and into the living room.

the father and the dog quickly agreed to form a team and catch the furry, filthy enemy.

the father, broom in hand, and the now hyperactive oreo, chased after the noisy little creature--trapping him whenever they could. but the rat was just to fast for them. around the three of them went (the father, the dog, and the rat--the two kids were just watching the action in amazement). oreo runs around, trapping and tiring the rat out until finally... the rat passes within the broom's reach... and WHAM! it curls up into a little ball! oreo quickly takes the gross (and now bleeding) filthy thing into his mouth, extremely happy with his team's victory.

the night has come and gone, and the family is still talking about oreo's moment of triumph. the rat is dead, the blood has been washed off the floors and the walls, but oreo's victory will forever remain in their hearts.

update.

2006-09-18T22:43:00.000+08:00

update.

currently listening to: into the ocean/blue october.

to those of you who still care, i'm still alive. to those of you who don't, why are you reading my blog? you care, noh? i mean you obviously still care enough to check whether or not i still exist! ha! gotcha there! thanks so much for caring! it means so much to me! :):):)

but seriously speaking, life has been great. aside from the fact that i'm completely and utterly broke and unemployed, i'm happy... although my parents aren't as happy with my current status of bumhood. haha.

that's it for now. fabulous post, eh? again, thanks for caring :).

back.

2006-09-08T18:01:00.000+08:00

back.

currently listening to: you get what you give/new radicals.

wow. i don't know how to sum up the past 2 weeks. it's been so unbelievably fabulous that i can't even attempt to describe how great the trip was, or explain the dozens of adventures we were on.

the pictures will come later on (there are too many to weed through), and the stories will probably only be told in person. but the appreciation i have for the people who i shared this trip with--that has to come today. here.

to kellyn, mao, mich, zeri, jv, robert, justin, and the entire kwan family: thank you for one of the best vacations of my life. i'm still hungover the fact that i just spent the last 2 weeks in breathtakingly beautiful places, doing things i never imagined i would do, with exceptionally great people.

and now back to reality.

the last hurrah.

2006-08-26T10:20:00.000+08:00

the last hurrah.

currently listening to: halfway home/jason mraz.

today is a huge day. so is tomorrow. and the day after that.

i won't give too many details yet--but tonight officially marks the end of a year and four months of hard work. and tomorrow (and the ten days after that) is when we celebrate.

this is it! my last hurrah! (although it's not like i'll have work waiting for me when i get back. but anyway.) i'll see you all on the 6th. i promise you there are many more "i'm broke" and "i need to find work" posts to come when i get back!!!

take anything you want.

2006-08-16T15:28:00.000+08:00

take anything you want.

currently listening to: the zuiikin gals.

what happens when the japanese want to save time?

they exercise and learn english at the same time!

wenk shares her secrets.

2006-08-13T03:57:00.000+08:00

wenk shares her secrets.

currently listening to: starfish/sister hazel.

editor's note: all friends mentioned in this post are broke.

my parents have been seeing me leave the house almost everyday this week, and fully aware of my "financial situation" (or lack of it), they asked why i kept leaving the house if i had no money. my answer would always be that i was going to my friend's house, where i wouldn't have to spend.

it was only today that i think my father realized how serious i was about having a cheap "night out" with friends. i left the house today armed with a bingo set, a bingo "tombiola", taboo, and boggle. i went to my friend's house, only to find that my other friend had brought along her monopoly (which we also played the other night), the friends game, and scrabble. the host (oh gracious host), was kind enough to supply us with softdrinks and cookies, and even offer to pay for the pizza.

so anyway, i just wanted to share a secret with you. it's a plan i devised early this evening. a plan that guarantees to touch your parents' hearts... and hopefully, it's a plan that will reach straight into their pockets and wallets. so here it is:

wenk's 6-step plan to gaining your parents' sympathy... and getting allowance, at least for the night.

#1. comment over lunch or dinner how poor you are. remember to wear tattered clothing! it might help! don't comb your hair either!

#2. casually mention sometime after the meal that you're going to a friend's house "so that you won't have to spend". remember to mention that your friends are also unemployed.

#3. leave the house carrying board games (like i did!), and make sure there are a LOT of games! have them stacked up high, then cradle them in your arms. make sure that at least one of the parents are around when you leave the house.

#4. as the front door is about to close, turn around and say, "oh no! i forgot something! please hold the door open!"... then go back into the house and disappear into the kitchen.

#5. come out of the kitchen, carrying not just the games, but crackers! (although unverified, i think "sky flakes" are the logical choice).

#6. as you really leave the house, put on your sweetest, most sincere "puppy dog eyes" as you look at your parents and say, "i'm bringing the crackers, it's potluck kasi".

** bonus tip: if you still can manage what you're carrying, bring your own thermos of water: it might earn extra "sympathy points"... and hopefully extra cash.

my goal with this plan is simple: to touch the lives of those just like me. i hope it works. please do send me feedback as to the success of my scheme. i'd love to hear from you.

---------------------

i have the most supportive friends in the world. i'm nothing but blessed. nothing but blessed, i tell you. thank you, guys :).

bop.

2006-08-08T01:44:00.000+08:00

bop.

currently listening to: the lss i will never reveal.

it was quite the interesting day. although i won't go into details (i DO need to save face), let's just say that there was a lot of walking, eating, and lots of cheering "gutter" alongside congratulatory hugs... oh! and even more "bopping" til we were "dropping"... ah basta.

it's days like this one that remind me how blessed i am to have such fabulously strange and deluded family and friends.

no regrets.

2006-08-02T02:31:00.000+08:00

no regrets.

currently listening to: let me be the one/blessid union of souls.

i was speaking with someone i just met today about the fact that i graduated recently and that i've more or less been "on vacation" ever since. then i got asked the million dollar question.

what have you been doing with your time since you graduated?

i gave some lame, half-baked answer--that i've been going back to school to finish the final yearbook plans, and that i had somewhat delayed looking for work because my family had made plans to go to vietnam.

don't get me wrong, there was truth to my answers. yes, the yearbook is still a big part of my "vacation", and although the trip to vietnam was a convenient excuse to put off looking for work--i really did go with my family.

but now, hours later, i've had time to think about it, and i realize that i really want to change my answer. please allow me to do so.

what have i been doing since i graduated?

well, on the surface, i've been finishing up the remains of my graduation money. i've been playing lots of poker online, and a little bit of real poker. i've been watching lots and lots of movies, dvd's, cable shows, and series. i've been going drinking. i've been traveling with both friends and family. i've been chatting. i've been eating a whole lot. i've been trying things that i don't know how to do-like ice skating and playing billiards. i've been going shopping. i've been going to coffee houses at different times of the day. i've been going to successful birthday bashes, and going to failed surprise ones.

yes, i sound like the bummest of bums, but there's so much more to it than the bum-miness that it sounds.

over the past few weeks, i have made mere acquaintances from high school into actual friends. i've shared the (lack of) enthusiasm for job hunting and realizations that we're actually getting old with college friends. i've been able to experience all sorts of new things with both family and friends--may it be a new country, province, mall, or hobby. i've cried over nothings, and i've laughed at almost everything. i've had a lot of "me" time, and i've begun to finally like who i am. i've made new relationships that look nothing but promising and make me nothing but happy. and somehow, my best friends from years back are now even best-er friends.

so there. my answer has changed... and i'm 101.79% confident that i can start looking for work knowing that my vacation was NOT a waste (but i'm still not going to look!). and if i may add, there's still so much to do and so much to look forward to--and i can't wait.

brainfart.

2006-07-29T03:19:00.000+08:00

brainfart.

currently listening to: more than love/los lonely boys.

in relation to my previous post...

i love "down days" like the one i had yesterday. why? because for sure, it's got to get better at one point. and it did. there was nowhere to go but up!

i had quite a number of plans for today--wake up at this time, go here, do this, meet these people, blah blah blah. lo and behold, nothing went according to plan, but it ended up being a pretty darn good day anyhoo =).

oh! and although i didn't, it feels like i took a whole bottle of vitamins today. huahuahua!

blech.

2006-07-27T22:52:00.000+08:00

blech.

currently listening to: seen it all before/amos lee.

there's this commercial i keep seeing on ETC about how taking vitamins affects how your day goes. basically, the point of the commercial is that if you had a bad day--chances are, you forgot to take your vitamins. get it?

well, guess what? i didn't take my vitamins today, and boy, i wish i did.

vietnam.

2006-07-20T02:50:00.000+08:00

vietnam.

currently listening to: a perfect 10/josh kelley.

my mom, pj, paul and i leaving for the airport in an hour, and all i can say is...

all my bags are (not yet) packed, and i'm (not yet) ready to go...

oh, well. i GUESS i do need to get my lazy bum off the computer chair for a couple of days--the poor thing hasn't been able to breathe much since i graduated.

i'll see you on sunday, kids!

...

2006-07-16T14:41:00.000+08:00

...

currently listening to: everywhere i go/shawn mullins.

unimaginable amounts of television, dvds, minesweeper, poker (both real and online), phone calls, music, movies, food, alcohol, and yahoo messenger: those are what my days (and nights) have been composed of for the past couple of weeks (it HAS only been weeks, right? has it been months? i'm not sure anymore! uh-oh...)

so, what's my point exactly? as usual, nothing. but blogging is a good way to make sure that i can still spell. and it gives me something to do while waiting for my turn in poker ;).

okay, okay, FINE, I ADMIT IT! I NEED YOUR HELP!!!

if you think you know of a job i can/should apply for, please do feel free to leave a suggestion in my comments box! pretty puhleeeeease?

yes, i'm enjoying my bumhood. but i do need a *little* change in scenery. otherwise, who knows what kind of weird things will happen if i keep this up?!?!?!?!

(need a little imagination push...?)

fifa with fafa.

2006-07-10T04:19:00.000+08:00

fifa with fafa.

i admit, i am no football fan. i have enough knowledge on football to fill a small bowl of peanuts. get the ball into the goal to score, you can't use hands, blah blah blah--that's about it. today, however, my dad and i decided to be part of the 1 billion people in the world watching the championship on television.

so off to bellevue hotel we go at 1 a.m.: favoring no team, thinking we were still early enough to get seats (hello! the game is at 2! who would still be up?), and just about ready to wind down the weekend by watching a good game with a bunch of strangers.

as of the moment, france and italy are deadlocked, 1-1, and it's a bit past half of overtime. it's also half past 4 a.m., which is why i'm home now, waiting for my friend to text me the final score. early into the evening, my dad and i had already decided to finish the 90 minutes and leave if the teams go into overtime.

of course, things changed from when we actually walked into the bar--i left rooting for france, and my dad left rooting for italy (although i had a hard time choosing teams because italy's blue uniform was so much nicer!). thanks to my dad's great college (benchwarming) experience, my knowledge of football has dramatically increased to fill a considerably large fruit basket! or a suitcase, even!!!

it doesn't really matter to me that we didn't finish the game. it doesn't really matter to me who wins. for 3 hours, i was amidst an unbelievably thick cloud of smoke, surrounded by a bunch of rowdy strangers who have abused the bar's drink-all-you-can promo... but that's okay--because my dad was beside me the whole time.

it's gonna be a great week :).

for lack of anything better to post.

2006-07-03T18:12:00.000+08:00

for lack of anything better to post.

currently listening to: yellow taxi/matt costa.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

in the moment.

2006-06-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

in the moment.

currently listening to: in the moment/sister hazel.

it's been exactly a week since graduation, and about a month and a half since the last time i went to school for actual academic purposes. still, i feel no urge to go out and look for work. i'm not bored. at all. and i'm in absolutely no hurry to turn my life over to corporate cutthroats.

well, in fairness to myself, my resume is semi-updated (i haven't graduated from college in my resume yet), and i've begun collecting email addresses of exactly..*2* companies i PLAN on e-mailing, and PLAN on applying to... eventually.

the thing is, i'm having so much fun with my friends marathon, with going to school to have lunch/dinner with old friends, and with finishing up the yearbook. i'm completely okay with spending the day at home to clean my room, or with going shopping with my mom or sister. and i like being 100% available to hang out with my friends or watch a good movie on HBO.

with the way it's going, the only reason i'm ever going to get my lazy butt to start looking for work is because of extreme poverty... so it's a good thing i found a little money (and gift certicates to SM!) among my old accounting notes the other night.

so for now... no, i'm not quite so keen on joining the corporate world yet. my own little wenk world is going pretty well.

anyone free for dinner? i am! ;).

---------------------

do you want to know how i've been spending the past 3 days?

i'll give you a hint: hours and hours and hours of internet research (and some hours of actual field research!!!), and countless questions directed towards my dad, mom, siblings, and friends. oh! here's another hint: the other night, i actually dreamt of logos.

200/200 babeh. 200/200.

download a blank copy of the logo test here. cmon try it. watch yourself lose your mind.

the post of a sentimental shmuck.

2006-06-19T04:12:00.000+08:00

the post of a sentimental shmuck.

currently listening to: everything to me/liz phair.

last saturday, i officially said goodbye to the beautifully green alma mater i've loved and learned to call home for the past 18 years. of course, i will continue to love my school (and cheer for it when basketball season comes along and we finally get to play in it!), but it will be a completely different story because of the faces of the people that will no longer be there--the faces of the people i've learned to call my family over the past five years.

i am thankful for the many, many blessings that He has bestowed upon me over the past 5 years--blessings that have crammed, made lait, complained, cut class, shopped, watched movies, drank, posed for pictures, celebrated, cried, fallen in love, fallen out of love, copied homework, killed time, failed, passed, and laughed with me every single day of any given week.

i know that it isn't the end--definitely not. yet i can't help but feel saddened at the thought of not being able to go to school just to go to venue with jackie, or kel and lor (and do what?), or kill time in the amphi or the 5th floor bathroom with kel, or celebrate passing exams and subjects you know you didn't deserve to pass with your blockmates.

to my fantabulous blockmates: thank you for the endless people-watching in SJ, all the breaks spent at rhoda's and jj's dorm, the "study sessions" in Z2 at 7am, and the campouts at the photo lab. thank you for teaching me that the best way to release stress is through laughter, and that one can only afford to cry for just one minute--and have to move on. passing and failing will never be as fun again without all the novenas, hi-fives, pang-aasars, and hugs.

to my dearest, dearest green & white-mates: the past year has taught me what it's like to love what you do. seeing your faces, hearing your greetings, being enveloped in your hugs (and of course, the cold, cold aircon(!)) are what make climbing 80+ steps 5x a day worth it. of course, hindi pa tapos ang trabaho (dvd nalaaaaang!), but knowing that the end is near makes me want to work slower, because i don't think i'll ever be ready to say goodbye. sigh. oh well, tsaka na ako magsesenti.. pagkatapos ng yearbook launching =P.

to all the friends i've been blessed to make anywhere in between the courts of the sports complex to the benches of south gate, and to the professors and faculty whom i have been blessed to get to know better outside the beautiful and comforting walls of 2401 taft avenue: what a ride it's been. thank you for joining me.

le graduates of LC26!

le graduates of Green & White2006!

more pictures here.

prison break.

2006-06-12T11:54:00.000+08:00

prison break.

currently listening to: perfect/guster.

in the past two days, i have spent 17 hours in the same chair. in the same position. and no, not in the same clothes. it was 17 hours of the same unnerving feeling. of squirming around. of trying to figure out things on my own. of trying to figure out why they're doing what. of watching pieces of the puzzle fall into place.

i said goodbye to the real world for the weekend, and instead, hung out with my new friends. i ate my meals with them, i dug up holes with them, and felt like vomitting each time one of them would bleed. meet my friends--from fox river penitentiary.

i am a bum, and loving it.

the ultimate roadtrip.

2006-06-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

the ultimate roadtrip.

currently listening to: perfectly/natalie imbruglia.

there's nothing greater in life than roadtrips (fine, there are better things, but you know what i mean).

what better way to spend a day than being crammed into a car with people who love to sing (and dance!) their little boy band hearts out and who snore so frightfully loud that they wake themselves up? i tell you, there is no better way.

destination: casa dona emilia, paoay, ilocos norte. and vince. :)
estimated travel time: 8 hours daw.
actual travel time: 14 hours going, 9&1/2 hours going back.
# of stopovers: too many to count. (don't forget to pass by vigan!)
person to blame for 50% of stopovers: dan. (wahahaha!)
total amount of money spent: hint: i have begun looking for a job.

it was quite a trip. i never really expected to see anything breathtaking in ilocos, or do anything except go to the beach--but lo and behold, we didn't really get to go to the beach because there were so many other things to see--and so much food to eat!

allow me to take you on a not-so-short tour of ilocos norte.
*pictures by hofi and his topakin camera*

cape bojeador lighthouse, the oldest lighthouse in the philippines. if you go late in the afternoon like we did, you might be able to reach the manong who turns on the lighthouse--and you get to climb all 10 billion and one steps to the top! :) warning: not recommended for people with vertigo!

the windmill farm, located along the bangui bay shoreline. responsible for 30% of ilocos' electricity (i think). an overwhelming sight to see. you'll definitely be asking "mahangin ba sa labas?" after going here =P.

the absolutely gorgeous beaches of pagudpud. in our case, we stayed over at the kapuluan vista resort. just a tip--next time you go there, go during high tide so you can get surfing lessons! unfortunately, it was low tide when we went--nevertheless, the view was pretty darn great.

we went beach hopping after that and fell in love with all the beaches. we couldn't stay at some because they didn't serve food--so next time you go, remember to bring food...and your camera!!! you will SHOOT yourselves if you don't have a camera with you. the beaches there are so beautiful, they look absolutely fake.
don't believe me?

st.augustine church / paoay church, which is a beeeeyuuuutiful and huuuuuge church made of coral blocks and stucco plastered bricks. the inn we were staying at was conveniently located right beside the church, and so we attended 6:00am mass there. what we didn't foresee was that the mass would be in ilocano. oh well. God speaks ilocano, too. =P

so there you go. ilocos norte. of course, there are other places we saw that we didn't go to...but just HAD to take pictures of... >:)

hiatus.

2006-05-27T00:26:00.000+08:00

hiatus.

currently listening to: silence.

well folks, i'm off to spend the last of my graduation money in ilocos... then i guess i'll have to start looking for a job. how horrible. i'm broke and all spent out already, and i haven't even graduated yet! wahahaha.

see ya on tuesday, kiddies. :)

content.

2006-05-21T02:34:00.000+08:00

content.

currently listening to: all i ever wanted/train.

although it happens only once in a blue moon, there are times when everything falls into place, and things go perfectly.

it's practically impossible (especially in my case) to have consecutively "good days". but that's how it's been lately. believe it or not, it's been one good day after another--and although that's an extremely rare pattern in my life--i'm not complaining one bit.

so here we are. a pointless post just because i wanted to share how *darn* great life has been to me lately. please, make this feeling of contentment last. thank you, Lord. i owe You big time. :)

brainfarts from a couch potato.

2006-05-19T02:02:00.000+08:00

brainfarts from a couch potato.

currently listening to: scratch/kendall payne.

*aaah, the end of another amazing (race) season. finally, a team I've loved (as in L-O-V-E-D) from the very beginning won. my faith in the show has been restored (i've been on semi-strike since the gaghans were eliminated in the family edition). to eric and jeremy--take that! wahahahahah. i love you, hippies! i can't wait for TAR asia--too bad my sister and i didn't get to apply :(

*i can't believe elliot got eliminated from american idol. and i had just recently learned to love him. :( c'mon taylor... you can do it! make me proud, mister! (by the way, does anyone else feel that katharine looks like amanda bines?)

*does anyone watch grey's anatomy? sigh. are they ever going to get back together? i can't stand it anymore!!! please, please, please--see the light! both of you!!! you're meant to be together! can't you see that yet?!?

*desperate housewives update: i can't believe that _____ did _____ to _____! and that ____ did _____ to ______! huwaaaat?! how twisted is that?!? now what?!? and i'm soooo in love with eva longaria's character now!!!

*the prison break dvd's eagerly seek my attention as they sit impatiently on the table. too bad for them, my recently-started friends marathon goes first. friends will always go first... almost done with season 1, 9 more seasons to go! and what a fabulous 9 more seasons it will be! :).

*there are other shows on the list: house, oc, one tree hill, 24, lost... (shows which i either have to start watching, have started watching, or have to finish watching)--but then again, i'm in no hurry to look for a job. there's still plenty of time. ;).

(oops. please don't tell my parents i said that.)

--> oh! and happy birthday, cyn!!! :)

the good and simple life.

2006-05-12T18:32:00.000+08:00

the good and simple life.

currently listening to: scratch/kendall payne.

I love out-of-the-blue/i-just-want-to-say-hi phone calls from people I haven't heard from in months. Roadtrips and going out of town with people who matter most. Making new friends and strengthening relationships with old ones. The feeling of having made up with a dear friend after a long, long fight. Being completely open with someone, letting out all my thoughts and feelings, and finding out that they like me just the same. Receiving unexpected hugs from friends. Sitting around and doing nothing with great, great company. Weddings and the additions to my family it brings. Honest-to-goodness heartfelt conversations. Waking up to the cool breeze that the rain brings, knowing that the day is only going to get better. Being able to go to new places. Saying goodbye to something, knowing that it isn't the end. Fooling around and acting stupid with a camera and friends. Having dinner with my family. Spending time with just myself and my music. Being completely content with how life is going...for at least a little bit.

I love how my summer is going, knowing that it isn't over yet--and hoping that there are even better things in store for me tomorrow, and the day after that.

moving out.

2006-05-03T22:32:00.000+08:00

moving out.

currently listening to: the edge of the ocean/ivy.

2006 is a year of many goodbyes for me. Not just the friend-leaving-for-vacation kind of goodbyes. More of the thank-you-for-being-part-of-my-life-this-is-it goodbyes.

Yesterday, I had to move out--and move on. I was forced to say one of those goodbyes.

There were 15 doors to this "building"--a huge chunk of wood I have learned to love so much. I was on the first floor, the 3rd door from the left (as Lorraine would put it). In a span of one year, I worked side by side with my 9 neighbors whom I have learned to love dearly.

Yep, you guessed it. Yesterday, I had to let go of my locker.

It was an emotional morning. I had to officially say goodbye to something very close to my heart for the past year. I bid farewell to something that served as a storage space for everything--both extremely valuable and completely useless. It was where I went for anything that needed safekeeping or anything that needed to be stored and forgotten about for a while.

It was a place full of surprises that were meant just for me. Throughout the year, I have gone here to find countless scraps of paper here waiting for me--reminders to pay someone, go somewhere, or call someone up. It was here I found love letters and notes from both friends and strangers. A rose. Money. Pictures. Origami.

Unfortunately, not all my "neighbors" could make it to yesterday's drama special. However, Kellyn, Lorraine, Mao, Zeri and I moved out all the things we had accumulated over the year from dark, homey little spaces to huge, tattered, impersonal plastic bags. After taking countless pictures of what we wanted to remember, we took off our name plates, left traces that we had been there, and after what seemed like an eternity, handed over our keys to the lockers' new tenants for the year.

Yes, it was a bitter goodbye. However, we are confident that the new tenants of this building will take just as much care of this place as we did... after all, it's their home now.

useless.

2006-04-30T01:51:00.000+08:00

useless.

currently listening to: i wish i could go back to college/avenue q.

i'm loving it. and hating it. and loving it.

more meaningful post coming soon. i promise.

(kenelm, i hope you get home safely as we speak. wahahahahahaha!)

tomorrow.

2006-04-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

tomorrow.
currently listening to: miss your love/maria mena.

in about 420 minutes, my family will be waking up. the house will be bustling with activity. there will be lots of running around and panicking.

in about 500 minutes, people will be arriving. lots and lots of people. people with cameras, blowdryers, flowers, boxes, cakes... they'll all be going in and out of the house. there will be more running around and panicking.

in about 780 minutes, my parents will be marching. they will be stopping in the middle, then everyone else will stand up. josh groban's "the prayer" will be playing. there will be tears. lots and lots of tears.

in about 840 minutes, party poppers will be passed around. there will be smiles and tears. there will be hugs. a kiss, even. there will be pictures, for sure. lots and lots of pictures.

in about 870 minutes, people will be celebrating. there will be food. there will be champagne. and laughs, smiles, and maybe a few more tears.

in about 1100 minutes, the day will be considered over for my family. there will be tired feet, swollen eyes, and hearts that are deciding between being happy or heavy. but for sure, it will be a good day.

or so i tell myself...

2006-04-11T21:46:00.000+08:00

or so i tell myself...

currently listening to: fragile/maria mena.
current SSMM (song status message of the mind):
i am fragile, i am hopeless,i'm not perfect, but i am free.

on nights like this, i am not afraid.
of you, of you, or even you.
of the darkness, of being alone.

on nights like this, my spirit cannot be broken.
shattered. torn into pieces.

i will not let my own thoughts trample over me.
overpower me. suffocate me.
not on nights like this.

the ride of your life.

2006-04-09T13:54:00.000+08:00

the ride of your life.

currently listening to: ride of your life/oliver james.

can't deny your feelings anymore
the world is waiting right outside your door
what are you waiting for?

come on here's your chance
dont let it slip right through your hands
are you ready for the ride of your life?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

there are an unbelievable number of things going on in my life right now, and i'm so overwhelmed with which to look forward to and which to dread that there is nothing left in me but an extremely bittersweet taste in my mouth and a very befuddled wenk.

but does everything really have to happen at once? i'm ready to say goodbye to you, but not to you... i can't wait to get here, but i can't until i go through this... i can't wait to do this, but i might miss out on this. you get the point.

the uncertainty of my life is killing me. the days are getting so short that there doesn't seem to be enough time to do anything. there's no time to ponder on the gravity of the situations i'm in and the impact that the next two weeks will be having on my life. there's no time to appreciate all the exciting firsts and the many, many, many lasts. i can't wait for then to get here. i can't wait to get this period of my life over with. i can't wait to stop and look back. i can't wait for new experiences. but at the same time, i'm not ready to say goodbye. and i'm definitely not ready to let go.

indeed, the only thing constant in life is change.

the waiting room.

2006-03-31T15:13:00.000+08:00

the waiting room.

currently listening to: crazy love/brian mcknight.

i am the type of person who asks for signs from above.

if i should do this, may i please have a sign? if i should go here, may i please have a sign? if i should say this, may i please have a sign?

a lot of the times, i forget i even ask for these signs. i ask for them in moments of desperation, when i need to consult with someone, but have no one to talk to. whether the decision be so big or small, relevant or useless, i throw my questions up in the air, and hope the right answer somehow whacks me on the head.

i am the type of person who says "bahala na si Batman" when i can't make a decision that requires an actual answer. yes, a 22 year-old who relies on Batman... but not the Batman you think--this is THE Batman of all Batmans. anyway.

of course, i sit here and realize that i have absolutely no idea how many of these 'signs' were answered in the past--if they were at all. i ask for all these signs, and don't really care whether or not i get an answer. in fact, i've forgotten the millions of questions i've asked. even when i ask, i somehow know i won't be getting an answer. i can decide on my own.

i know that Batman doesn't hear my questions, and that he doesn't actually go around at the speed of lightning trying to fix things and situations for me before i get there.

am i relying too much on faith? on fate? am i relying too much on external forces to find the easy way out? am i relying on all of this just so that i have something to believe in? yes, i think so.

but in times like these, i don't just want my "answer from above"--
i need it. i need reassurance, that somehow, things will be alright, but need more than my friends saying "it will be okay." i need to know that i'm on the right track, and that the decisions i'm making aren't just gut-based and spur of the moment this time. i need to know that "this is it" and "this is what you have to do." i need to know that The Mastermind from above hasn't forgotten me or given up on me completely.

i know the saying that goes something like 'you can't just rely on fate, you have to do something about it, too.' but in my situation, i don't know what more i can do. i don't know how to help myself, or how to know whether or not i'm doing the right thing. i'm so unbelievably clueless and helpless that i feel utterly pathetic.

so in times like these, i rely on faith and fate and Batman and external forces. i want to rely on faith and fate and Batman and external forces.
i need to rely on faith and fate and Batman and external forces.

i've asked my questions with more faith than i thought i even had. i've tossed them up in the air as high as i could toss them. i've waited and waited and waited. i've gotten no response. so now what? i continue to wait and wait and wait. because i honestly don't know the answer. because waiting is all i have left.

a break.

2006-03-27T02:16:00.000+08:00

a break.

currently listening to: even angels fall/jessica riddle.

whatta weekend.

a friday afternoon at the venue with people who never fail to make me laugh. another printing press overnight with really great, weird friends. one of the bestest (and LONGEST) hugs of my life from one of my bestest friends. sleep. a visiting childhood best friend from the states. watching episodes of my favorite new series. an extremely rare sunday night out with my barkada stuffing our faces with food and drinks and laughing our butts off taking silly pictures. listening to favorite songs. lo0o0ong conversations with both old and new friends over the phone, online, in the 5th floor bathroom, while checking dummy yearbooks, under the stars, over card games and bottles of beer, and outside the house while avoiding strangers at a party.

after reading my previous post, i feel guilty. my shift in moods are always like this, and i can't believe i never seem to remember that it's after all the horribly low 'downs' when one can really appreciate the unbelievably high 'ups'.

and now, i must end my weekend. in two hours, i will wake up, puffy-eyed and panicking because of the volume of work to do this week. i'll be cursing myself the entire week because of the work i didn't do over the weekend. but that's okay. i'll worry about it tomorrow.

and for the record, i am extremely thankful. :)

the final stretch?

2006-03-22T20:18:00.000+08:00

the final stretch?

currently listening to: break me/jewel.

pressure. one thing college life has taught me to love. one thing that can scare the hell out of me and encourage me to do my best at the same time. and in a way, it's fun. but lately, i'm beginning to crack under all the pressure, and i don't think i can get anymore vulnerable than this.

critical deadlines are getting closer, the crucial dates are approaching much quicker than i thought possible, and as my friend jj says,
it's the final stretch... and it's only now i realize that maybe i've gotten myself into much more than i thought i could handle. i've let everything blow out of proportion, and now, it's too late to handle things the way they should be handled. suddenly, pressure doesn't seem so fun anymore.

i'm all mixed up. i don't know if i'll even get to the final stretch. i'm scared to death. pessimism is beginning to eat me up alive.

my head is on a completely different track from my heart, and i have no idea what i want to do with both. there are too many things to think about and not enough time to think about them all, let alone do anything about them. i'm running out of time when i don't seem to be doing anything worthwhile with it. i'm doing one thing while thinking of another, and so, nothing productive is happening. i have the best of intentions... but they seem to stay intentions, no matter how hard i try.
i seem to be taking too many unnecessary breaks, but i can't stop taking them because i can't breathe without them. but when i stop breathing, the disappointment begins. i feel that i've been nothing but a disappointment lately. to my family, and to my friends who matter most to me, and most of all, to myself. and no matter how much i want to stop disappointing everyone, i can't. because i need to breathe, too.

so many things to say, so many things to do, so many things to know, so many things to remember... and my memory decides to fail me. my body decides to give up on me. my heart decides to stop beating. my passion decides to disappear.

the final stretch? only time will tell.

sigh. and i'm complaining again. i really, really, really HATE myself when i complain!!! abhor! despise! loathe! grrrrrr!!! jeez wenk, you're such a complainer!!! grow up! get your butt off that chair and do something worthwhile for once!!! get a life!!! roar.

wenkgirl.

2006-03-19T22:02:00.000+08:00

wenkgirl.

currently listening to: high/the speaks.

snagged from tiepee's blog.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Wenkgirl!

Wenkgirl can taste with her feet.
Wenkgirl can fly at an average speed of fifteen kilometres an hour.
Most bottles and jars contain at least twenty-five percent recycled wenkgirl!
If you drop wenkgirl from more than three metres above ground level, she will always land feet-first.
About one tenth of wenkgirl is permanently covered in ice!
Wenkgirl was originally green, and actually contained cocaine!
In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as wenkgirl.
In Japan, wenkgirl can only be prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government.
The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by wenkgirl as she rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
You should always open wenkgirl at least an hour before drinking her.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Kris!

All shrimp are born as kris, but gradually mature into females.
Kris can jump up to sixteen times her own height.
You share your birthday with kris.
Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up kris.
It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at kris.
There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with kris and water!
It can take kris several days to move just through one tree.
Kris is actually a mammal, not a fish.
Kris, from the movie of the same name, had green blood.
A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but kris can not!

else.

2006-03-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

else.

currently listening to: sweet pain/blues travelers.

here or there?

sometimes, it's hard to decide where you want to be. sometimes, you find yourself wishing desperately that you were anywhere--anywhere but where you are now. but sometimes, you find yourself in that place called "else", and find yourself wondering why you wanted to be there in the first place. either way, you feel like you lost. there's no real happiness in either "else".

so what do you do?

you wait patiently, and hope that the next "else" is some place you actually want to be in. you make the most out of what you have, and see what happens. you give yourself a reality check and learn to be content with what you have--and where you are.

break me.

2006-03-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

break me.

currently listening to: epilogue/i love you, you're perfect, now change.

sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

or so we say. or so i say.

maybe we've been hurt by too many words, we've been hurt too many times, that we have become oblivious to the pain. we have become ignorant of the effects that words can have on our lives and the lives of others.

you hear something that you know should hurt you, that should affect you, that should offend you... but somehow, it doesn't. it doesn't matter who else has heard them. it doesn't matter what others think of you after hearing things about you. heck, it doesn't matter if what was said about you wasn't even true.

maybe it's not the words that hurt, but it's who says them about you. it's why they say things about you. it's the fact that you were betrayed by a person you least expected. or maybe you expected it all along, but refused to believe it, because people should be given the benefit of the doubt... but that's another story.

sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

wrong.

2006-03-12T00:34:00.000+08:00

wrong.

currently listening to: i've seen better days/blues travelers.

i didn't sleep last night because i couldn't. my heartbeat was so fast that i felt like my heart was about to explode. i was so jittery that the sound of the door closing would be enough to make me jump in my seat. i was nervous, and i felt that the worst of it was coming. but i was wrong--extremely wrong.

because i couldn't sleep, i ended up talking to a friend who i realized i didn't know so well pala. i got out of bed to see my favorite saturday morning breakfast waiting to be eaten. i had a loooong conversation today with a close friend of mine. i got a free dinner (fine, and a conversation =P ) out of my brother. i watched a good movie on HBO. i'm online, chatting with good friends. i'm having lunch with my relatives tomorrow, and although the reason we're having lunch is sad, it's time with family nonetheless. and in the afternoon, i'm watching the play "i love you, you're perfect, now change" with some really fabulous people.

sometimes, we worry over absolutely nothing. we cry and lose our hair over problems that don't exist, and don't need any crying over. there are good things in life too, and sometimes, we just need to look around.

wenk.

2006-03-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

wenk.

currently listening to: delicate/damien rice.

flintstones.

2006-03-06T02:51:00.000+08:00

flintstones.

currently listening to: i'm on my way/rich price.

flintstones, meet the flintstones, they're your modern stone-age family...

i woke up to my brother playing this on the piano. i got out of bed and went down to find that my whole family was eating lunch together--at the same time! oh how surprising a moment it was! it was no one's birthday, and we were actually complete at home and not at a restaurant! (sorry, my brother is married and doesn't live at home anymore, and all my siblings are aged 25+...being complete is rare!).

it was quite the weekend. it was full of sleep, music, and a whole lot of being at home. the highlights of the past 2 days are a hug from my sister, a hug from my other sister, going to mass with my brother, the visit from my other brother and his wife, and a sunday lunch at home with my family. period.

i am a family person. i used to be one--and apparently-- i still am one. although i had believed that the "family must always be together!" side of me no longer existed or cared, i turned out to be wrong. and i'm so, so, so glad i am.

zoo-nday!

2006-02-26T19:13:00.000+08:00

zoon-day!

currently listening to:

today was definitely not one of my usual sunday's.

i tagged along with my sister and her friends to the outskirts of montalban, rizal (far, far away!) in order to spend the morning at the extremely unknown and unappreciated avilon zoo.

here's rosanna the tiger...

and puma the leopard.

it was sooooo nice. for about P250 each (we were 11 in the group and split costs for a tour guide), we were able to walk around the 7.5 hectare zoo. although the tour isn't of the entire 7.5 hectares, i guarantee that it sure feels like it after 3 and a half hours under the scorching heat and 2 bottles of water =P.

i fell in love a lot today. i literally had tears streaming down my face after meeting albert--an orangutan--who i swear, was smiling the entire time we were "visiting" him. unfortunately, we couldn't take pictures of the primates :(

there was orange, the sun bear, who was so, so, so adorable. although he was stinky, he was one of the friendliest (or hungriest) animals, sticking his tongue out and licking the lens' of the cameras.

orange, the sun bear.

there was horsey, (i named him that! creative eh?), who was an artista, because you had to pay P50 to have your picture taken with him. he can only carry up to about 110-150 lbs. because of his size... interesting eh? ;).

horsey, the horse.

i'll leave it up to you to visit the rest of the animals. there are so many of them to meet! the birds whose colors made them look like sapin-sapin, the gross albino snake i did NOT pay P50 to carry, the croc named annie batumbakal, (haha, i'm serious about that!)... i promise you, it's a great way to spend the day.

it's amazing how much there is to see if you only make an effort to look. the poultry shop called "farm to fork" for example. the day wouldn't have been complete without seeing that :).

rent.

2006-02-24T19:09:00.000+08:00

rent.

currently listening to: take me or leave me/rent.

have you seen it? well, you should.

i saw the musical years ago, but maybe i was just young, i don't really know--but somehow, i understood the plot better--and appreciated the songs much, much more.

this broadway musical-turned-movie is much more than just where the popular song "seasons of love" came from. yes, the topics are extremely controversial, but hey, it's life. the problems the characters encounter in this film may seem shallow to others, but it's exactly what people go through every single day in the real world.

i don't care what reviews and my friends say. it's not too long, and it is definitely NOT dragging. it's now one of my favorite movies of all time, and the soundtrack is EXCELLENT! (although i admit that i had it memorized before i even saw the movie... you should too!!! :P).

you can check out the trailer to rent here, and the lyrics to their songs here :) .

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me baby or leave me.

goo.

2006-02-21T23:46:00.000+08:00

goo.

currently listening to: #41 /DMB.

what's the best part about ripping songs off the net?

you never know what you're going to find.

unnoticed.

2006-02-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

unnoticed.

currently listening to: dahil sa ulan/soapdish.

life is pretty much composed of routines. there are the big routines, such as the holidays celebrated year after year--birthdays, anniversaries, and christmas for example. but there are also the little routines--the ones that compose our day, the ones that compose our week. the daily showering at 2:30am or similar ungodly hours, the wiggling of feet before sleeping, etc.

but sometimes, no matter how many times you do a certain thing or pass a certain place, you realize there are things you are seeing only for the first time. i've promised myself to actually LOOK around now, as opposed to just passing through.

lately, i've been riding the LRT and MRT a lot. it's the cheapest way to meet up with my dad so i can hitch a ride home from school. i've come up with my own little routine or habits to get there. i text my dad when i get to a certain store. each day i like to alternate the paths i choose when i get to a fork in the mall. and i like to count my steps and compare them from the day before. haha.

what's my point?

nothing really. i just wanted to share that in the 10 billion and one times that i've walked by the bridge that connects the LRT to the MRT station, last thursday, i saw it for the very first time.

the "rotonda hotel", it was called. the one thing that literally made me laugh out loud as i walked alone, in the middle of a rush-hour crowd. the facade of their wall boasted, in humongous red block letters, of their "special features".

Rotonda Hotel
Special Features:
* service with a smile
* rooms with showers
* spacious and clean rooms
* reasonable prices
* no brownout

wow. one day, i SHOULD go to this hotel! no other hotel offers such a fabulously complete set of "features"! i mean.. NO BROWNOUT?! service... with a SMILE?!? CLEAN rooms!?! PINCH ME NOW, PLEASE!!! amazing.

kablog.

2006-02-06T23:59:00.000+08:00

kablog.

currently listening to: tears and rain/james blunt.

i have the strongest, strongest, strongest urge to blog, but i also have absolutely nothing to blog about.

blogblogblogblogblog.

our house.

2006-02-01T14:46:00.000+08:00

our house.

currently listening to: tears and rain/james blunt.

it's the end of an era.

brother andrew gonzales, FSC, passed away last sunday at age 65.

i have never had the opportunity to work with brother andrew, and the only words i have ever exchanged with him are probably "hello" and "good afternoon, brother." but i don't think it's possible to study in DLSU and not feel the grief of the entire community, or not see what a great person he was to those who did know him.

his wake is being held at the chapel, here in school. to walk by corridor after corridor after corridor crammed with mass cards and flowers of condolences is an extremely saddening and humbling experience.

may his soul rest in peace.

----------------------------

my mom and her siblings have recently decided to sell my lola's house, since she's now sick, and cannot live alone anymore. my lola has moved in with one of my aunts, where she also has a caretaker to be with her 24/7.

before going to school today, i dropped my mom off at my lola's house. as i was about to leave, she told me to pop in and say hello to her sisters and brothers, who were also inside.

as i went in the house, my aunts, uncles, and the buyer were all around the dining table, quietly signing the contracts of sale. i asked one of my tita's how she felt about selling the house, and she admitted that she cried the first time she heard the news. it had been her home for the past 44 years. when the buyer asked the question "how old is the house, by the way?", my tita tessie, the eldest of the siblings, turned to her husband and said, "well, when centee was courting me, we had just built the house. that makes it about 40 years old."

when i think of the many, many, many sundays my family and i visited my lolo and lola in that house, i am overwhelmed at the loss of my family. when lolo was still alive and healthy, he would give us 5 pesos if we were the first to find the country or state on his giant world map. when my lolo suffered from his stroke, we would visit him so that my dad could give him communion. when he died, we went to that house to keep my lola company.

i will miss going to my lola's bathroom and seeing the lifelong supply of deodorant, toilet paper and love's baby soft cologne. i will miss the piles and piles of crossword puzzles and word search books. i will miss the cases and cases of coke that they have under the table--the cases that never seem to go empty.

it's the end of an era, indeed.

blind.

2006-01-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

blind.

currently listening to: break me/jewel.

i have a fear of going blind.

it's not your imaginable way of going blind--something explodes, and you can't see. or you wake up, and your vision is gone. or you get sick, and it affects your eyesight. and no, it's not me donating my eyes to a family member or a good friend either.

but i fear going blind via a CD. yep. you got it. a compact disc. a dvd, vcd, blank cd, audio cd... it doesn't matter. it WILL be the reason i will go blind.

i always imagine the same 2 scenarios, and they are scenarios i've played in my head over and over and over again.

1) a flying CD (think frisbee) heading straight towards my corneas. eyes close in pain. eyes open, i see nothing.

if that's too boring for you, there's this method:

2) someone forces to bend and break a CD in half, and as a result, the CD breaks into a hundred tiny slivers and the pieces fly into my eyes. ouch. the pain. the agony.

goodbye, 20/20 vision. it was nice knowing you.

geek in the pink.

2006-01-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

geek in the pink.

currently listening to: mr.curiousity/jason mraz.

i have never considered myself a reeaaaaal fanatic, but i've always liked certain jason mraz songs. the surprising thing though, is that i never thought that i would like him this much after seeing his concert. i *heart* this particular geek in pink now. he's got 1000 things to like about him! he is the remedy to a long, long day. you and i both know that there was no clockwatching in his concert! because of his wordplay, life is wonderful! haha. i'll stop now. i'll just be sleeping to dream about the concert again. =P

jron and mark! thanks for the ticket, the seating adventure, and for remembering to bring a camera! :)

contentment.

2006-01-16T19:21:00.000+08:00

contentment.

currently listening to: they're on to me/ari hest.

things have been better lately. my moods have been steadily climibing from rock bottom all the way up to content. of course, i've reached my "crying quota" for the month, and i've had my share of "monthly mood swings" lately, and but i think the fact that i'm female and that i'm my mother's daughter excuses me.

it's only the third week of the year, and already, i feel like i've done new things and have learned so much. i've actually reflected on what i want to do after graduation, and am really hoping that these plans push through. i went to the eurostar carnival with green & white friends, and spent a whole afternoon screaming (and almost hurling), being tossed up and down and left and right on rides--and it was so, so, so fun! i went to tagaytay with old friends from high school, had real, overdue heart-to-heart talks, and realized that hey... my life isn't bad at all--and that i should be nothing but thankful. i have no right to complain.

and of course, the recent friday overnight for the yearbook (which i've been accustomed to for the past year) once again reminded me that when life throws all sorts of crap at you---it only takes a couple of hilariously useless conversations with equally hilarious people to forget about it all. huahuahuahua.

brainfart.

2006-01-11T15:35:00.000+08:00

brainfart.

currently listening to:baby, i love your way/mig ayesa.

due to server problems, i've been internet-less for the past 4 days and i'm just about ready to pull out all the hair on my head and scream for dear life. my friend said nga eh, sa sobrang tagal kong hindi nag-y-ym, baka magkasakit ako. you should see my facial reaction whenever i see a vacant computer with internet! (and yyyyymmmmmmmmm)!!! *drool*

-----------------------------

i've had exactly THREE glasses of coke since the new year started. yes, ladies and gentlemen, i'm actually still very much following my new year's resolution. i'm starting to feel the effects of being cokeless for days, though. i'm not as hyper as i used to be, and i'm starting to be a liiiittle more stable---but on a lower energy level. get it? let's just say, my body is reacting violently!

must have coke. must have coke.

-----------------------------

warning: (spoilers (but more of my ranting) ahead!)

blue moon.
has anyone seen blue moon? one of the entries of the metro manila film fest? if yes, please tell me---why am i so bothered by the fact that eddie garcia died without knowing that christopher de leon had the other half of the picture that corazon left him? don't you feel sorry for the fact that eddie garcia died thinking that he lost it, when all this time, it was with his son? it bugs me soooo much and i don't know why!!! roooooar! poor manueeeeeeeeeeel! :`(

the family stone.
i liked the movie actually. in fact, i cried (and TRIED to be secretive about the fact that i did, but it didn't work, apparently =P).

anyway, i'm disappointed with how the two couples in the end ended up together. i found it to be immoral and unethical. i mean, the fact that dermot mulroney fell in love with the sister of his girlfriend in a span of one day! and when they were out "searching" for the girlfriend, he was too busy flirting and falling in love with her sister! the nerve! grrr! it just... grrrrr! i didn't mind the sarah jessica and luke wilson pair-up though, but it just bothers me so much that claire danes didn't even talk to sarah jessica and ask for her consent or anything when it came to falling in love with her boyfriend! and dermot mulroney! so unethical to fall in love with claire danes, ha! :(.

but don't get me wrong. both movies were nice. i just didn't like some parts. but really. they're really nice!!! =P.

reso.

2006-01-05T23:08:00.000+08:00

reso.

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Getting myself admitted to a mental institution.

Get your resolution here

year-starter.

2006-01-02T02:43:00.000+08:00

year-starter.

currently listening to: gising na / parokya ni edgar.

For the first time ever, I will announce to the world my new year's resolutions. Why? Because I figure that it will push me to actually attempt to keep them, since I know that YOU know what they are ;). Get it? No? Too bad!

*drumroll*

Here are Wenk's Resolutions for 2006.

I WILL...

...lessen my Coke intake. Yes, world! You heard me right!!! I WILL start to drink Coke Light when available. I WILL TRY to drink water. Sob! I'm depressed already. Seriously. What am I going to do without all that sugar!?

...learn to drive a manual car this summer. Really. And I PROMISE my best not to let go of the wheel when I see approaching cars this time. Haha.

...start reading (and BUYING) more books. Not only that... I'll finish them, too!

...save money. Lots and lots and lots of money! Really. Heck, I'll even start to recognize coins as "real money"! =P.

...exercise more. Gym? Nah. But I promise to exercise more than just my typing fingers this year.

...lose weight for my sister's wedding in April. Really. Diet? Errr... no. But I WILL stop eating unnecessary snacks at 2am, at least =).

...stop my gluttony. Eat what and when you should eat, then that's eat!!! =P.

...graduate this term. I WILL pass my 3 remaining subjects... not with flying colors though.. I'll just pass them. I'll TRY to go to them, too! =).

...get a job this year. Not right after graduation though, but I am DETERMINED to do this year's Christmas shopping using my own savings from my *wheeeee!* salary.

...get my relationship with Him back on track. Come on Kris, you did it before. You came and went and look! He's still there.

...spend lots of quality time with the dog. (oh, and my family and friends too!)

...watch my mood swings. They're getting too scary---even for me. I WILL try to be more... errr.. emotionally stable.

...learn how to cook. I WILL learn kitchen skills other than opening and closing the refrigerator door.

...stop saying, "I'm tamad", even if I am! Hwek hwek hwek! =P.

...lessen playing Neopets. What's the point? I've been playing for years and I'm still not rich!

...stop cursing. Damn. This is going to be *^%#@&* hard!

...be more adventurous. If i find means to go bungee jumping, then by golly, i'm going bungee jumping! Wheeeeeeee!

...try to try to try to keep my resolutions. promise.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

yes, i know: i'm aiming REALLY high this year! i don't know what on earth possessed me to make so many resolutions, since we all know that the best resolution to make is not to make any resolutions at all. but anyway. wish me luck. =P.

happy 2006!!! =).

year-ender.

2005-12-31T17:49:00.000+08:00

year-ender.

currently listening to: happy new year/rent.

whatta year.

it was a year of both accomplishments and of disappointments. it was a year of ups and downs that were a billion and one times higher and lower than last year's.

it's been a fabulous 2005. here's to a fabulous-er 2006!

waaaaah.

2005-12-31T02:31:00.000+08:00

waaaaah.

help. for peace of mind purposes.

it's this thing that they sell in national bookstore (or used to sell, im not sure. it was out of stock in glorietta). it's this acetate/clear sheet with the letters of the alphabet and numbers on it. you scratch it or rub it on a sheet of paper (usually with a coin), and the letter/number gets transferred onto the other sheet of paper.

can you visualize it? do you know what i'm talking about?

my deluded brain is not satisfied with "letter transfer". i don't know if i'm looking for a specific brand name or a generic name... it's just not a LETTER TRANSFER! (or a rub-on!!!)

what in heaven's name do you call it again!?!?!.

please. text me. call me. comment. save meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

twas the night before christmas...

2005-12-24T22:51:00.000+08:00

twas the night before christmas...

currently listening to: the way you love me/faith hill.

i'm a little late, (but just in time!), because i FINALLY feel christmas in the air. i've been searching desperately for the 'christmassy' feeling lately, but except for the weather, i've felt nothing.

but i love how christmas is turning out this year. this season, i've met up with both old and new friends, and have managed to spend some time with the different groups of people who are truly important to me. and although, this is not yet my 'year-end blog post', i am really, really thankful, and i'm loving the fact that there is so much to be thankful for.

for my family, and for the christmas traditions that i've looked forward to year after year... and of course, another year of these wonderful icasas traditions to laugh and smile about.

for the annual christmas mass (and songs) that warmed and touched my heart more than they ever did.

for my friends, who made this christmas one full of lots and lots and lots of love and laughter.

... and for another year to look forward to. yay :).

merry christmas, everyone!!! :):):).

bobby bear.

2005-12-21T11:36:00.000+08:00

bobby bear.

i don't really feel like blogging lately. my mood swings have been getting from bad to worse, and i don't feel like updating you via my blog because i will be posting too many random thoughts, too many times. nothing life-shatteringly horrible--just a lot of little stuff that has started to pollute my mind.

and so, in the meantime, i leave you to speak with...

bobby bear. (thanks jorette, he really, really, really made my day!!!)

be nice to bobby. ta-ta for now.

the world inside my head.

2005-12-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

the world inside my head.

from sister hazel.

....

People so high they think
I can't hear the whispers
I can see it falling off their face
Their trying to shoot down my plane of grace
It seems like its already hard enough

But the paint on me is beginning to dry
And it's not what I wanted to be
The weight on me
Is hanging on to a weary angel

So tell me what it is about me
Where did everybody go without me
So, I like to fantasize
And watch the sunrise like it's a big surprise

Life moved and I stopped to taste it
I drank it up 'til it left me wasted
But my rains have bled
A softer red
Oh you should see the world inside my head

:(

2005-12-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

:(

currently listening to: knocking on heaven's door/avril lavigne.

did you hear my shrieks and cries all the way from my house in alabang? yep, it was that loud.

did my flood of tears reach your house? (haha, exag... it was just a little puddle.)

did you watch amazing race? did you? did you? huh? huh? huh?

well, if you did, then you'd know why i'm utterly depressed right now. it was so friggin' close. i really SHOULD stop watching amazing race. the teams i fall in love with always lose. i don't know how much more heartbreak i can take. waaaaaah.

overdue.

2005-12-13T14:05:00.000+08:00

overdue.

currently listening to: if i ever feel better/phoenix.

you know you have a lot of time on your hands when you actually get to sit down for hours and do something about the mess in your life.

today for example. i concentrated on my yahoo mail and did something about the errr.. overdue cleaning it needed :)

before.

after.

yep, my life is in tip-top shape!!! well... my inbox is, at least :)

contentment.

2005-12-10T00:56:00.000+08:00

contentment.

currently listening to: sometimes you can't make it on your own/u2.

the term has finally come to a close.

the weather's getting colder, hot choco has never tasted better, the stars have never been brighter, Christmas is just around the corner, old friendships are getting stronger, and everything's practically perfect the way it is.

after the storm.

2005-12-03T16:55:00.000+08:00

after the storm.

currently listening to:biglaan (acoustic)/six cycle mind.

although rare, there are times in life where everything falls into place, and is just... perfect.

i guess this stage in my life is the 'calm after the storm'.

most of the huge problems that have been bothering me lately have been addressed. the best part about it all is that not only did these problems disappear, but the way that they were resolved surpassed my expectations. by far.

afer a storm, it's proper procedure to 'assess the damage' caused.

i look back, and i see that the past few weeks, i have been a total mess. i was in one of the most emotional states i've ever been in, and really wanted to errr.. "hurt" some people (to put it nicely!). i was tired from the lack of sleep, i was cranky due to certain 'forces', i was worried about a lot of things going on, and i was stressed.. and everyone knew it. (and i gained a lot of weight too, because i eat a lot when i'm stressed.. and when i'm not stressed!)

but in the end, it was worth it, and i am thankful. :)

a P2.00 lesson.

2005-11-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

a P2.00 lesson.

currently listening to:here tonight/hale.

life is, strangely, very, very much like a plastic balloon.

you know how when there's no more 'raw' plastic balloon to blow on the stick and the balloon won't get any bigger?

well, you're actually being given a choice. wherein the outcome of the entire balloon depends 100% on your decision.

you have the choice whether to close the balloon completely--seal it with your lips (haha!) and set it free.

or you can blow an 'artificial' hole (with that cool popping sound!), and attempt to make the balloon bigger.

do you choose to be content with what you have now? or do you take the risk, and hope your decision doesn't blow up in your face?

*a question brought to you by jack & jill party needs.

unhinged.

2005-11-25T04:37:00.000+08:00

unhinged.

sometimes, i believe that i really am emotionally unstable.

in one unbelievably long day, the number of times i've wanted to scream, pull the hair from my head, kill myself (or those around me!), laugh at the irony of all that has happened to me, or sit in a corner and bawl my eyes out has shifted so quickly, so randomly, that even i started to scare myself.

i don't know what's wrong with me. seriously. my emotions have unhinged themselves from my brain, and they're let loose. the rational side of me is diminishing little by little, and i fear the worst for myself and for those around me when i give in to my emotions completely.

public announcement.

2005-11-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

public announcement.

im losing my miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind!!!

can someone please find it for me?!? PLEASE?!?! pretty please?!?

i need it before the thesis deadline THIS tuesday.

oh... and while you're looking... could you please look for my sanity as well? i don't remember when i saw it last. but i think it was wearing jeans.

and maybe you can buy me a LiiiiiTTLE more patience. correction. a LoOoOoOoOoT more patience. if i don't get ahold of some GIANT container van of patience extremely soon, then i predict that by the end of the week, i've stabbed someone with a bloody RED ballpen and stuck it through that person's throat. on second thought, don't find me patience. bwahahahahahahah.

brainfart.

2005-11-17T01:55:00.001+08:00

brainfart.

currently listening to:see you soon/coldplay.

talong: hey what's that old school dance na the girl puts her hand sa shoulder ng guy, tapos they both hold hands na parang 90 degrees, tapos yung guy nasa wait ng girl yung hand?

talong: well, hindi naman 90 deg.

wenkgirl: sadie hawkins?

talong: HAHAHA what are you talking about?!?

wenkgirl: i dont know.

picture, picture!

2005-11-10T01:31:00.000+08:00

picture, picture!

currently listening to: be strong now/james iha.

more than a week has gone by since my "adventure" with bins, hof, dan, den, irene, some of pipo, and some of pogz. they (bins, actually) will never forgive me if i keep posting about amazing race and never posted about our... *ahem* "outing"... so fine. here we go :).

well. we all crammed into hof's crv.

we stayed overnight in some room for rent in tagaytay, where of course we drank... starbucks ;).

we went to batangas the next day & night, where we met 2 of the ugliest mermaids the sea (or road) has ever encountered. really.

meet marina...

and marina.

(believe me when i said ugly yet?)

of course, THEY went swimming (ang mga kasama ko, hindi ang mga marina).

i was just focused on keeping my head above the water... and i succeeded!

most of the time.

(fine bins, ikaw yan. wala ako. oo na. huhuhu.)

of course, hof, bins and i SWEAR on our lives...

... that we were also there when this picture was taken :(

on the way back, we spent more time in the car...

and of course, we ended it like any REAL outing should end. perfectly.

with elmo by our side.

psychic.

2005-11-08T02:51:00.000+08:00

psychic.

currently listening to: learning to breathe/switchfoot.

i have predicted the cause of my death.

answering the question

"bakit?"

too many times.

i don't know when or where...

but hopefully,

it strikes

when i need to get out of answering it the most.

when i don't know the answer.

life.

2005-11-06T16:29:00.000+08:00

life.

currently listening to:foolish games/jewel.

i'm beginning to believe that "doing the right thing" is impossible to do. there's no such thing. in situations like this... no one wins.

in most situations, it's always a matter of either putting yourself before others, or putting others before yourself. so which is supposed to go first?
how do you know what to do? how do you know who goes first?

how are you supposed to go on with your life, knowing that you put yourself first? knowing that you took the selfish route? how are you supposed to be happy knowing that someone else was affected greatly by your decision?

you can't. i can't.

on the other hand, how are you supposed to survive life knowing that what you did isn't what you wanted? are you supposed to be plastering fake smiles on your face for the rest of your life? are you supposed to live on the happiness that the other person feels, knowing that the happiness is not your own?

you can't. i can't.

we are a selfish, selfish, selfish species.

welcome, ladies and gentlemen... to life.

2005-11-04T13:09:00.000+08:00

one thing i hate most is when people offer something to you...
and then take it away.

material, immaterial--it doesn't matter. it was offered--it was dangled in front of their face... and then you take it away and give it to someone else. roar.

you break someone's heart when you do that. somehow, i don't think you get that.

WHEN I BECOME RICH, I SWEAR THAT ON MY LIFE THAT I WILL NEVER BECOME LIKE YOU. EVER.

:(

2005-11-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

:(

last saturday to monday, i went out of town with my friends, and it was one of my favorite-st vacations with my friends yet. really. i've got pictures ready to be uploaded, and stories to tell... but i won't blog about it, because something devastating has happened.

the gaghans have been eliminated from the amazing race.

why go on living? huhuhuhuhu. =(

the gaghans!

2005-10-26T23:29:00.000+08:00

the gaghans!

currently listening to:Foresight/Granian.

for those of you who don't know. i am a reality tv junkie.

but of aaaaaall the reality shows, my favorite, without doubt, is the amazing race. this season, their 8th, is no exception. wednesday nights, i must be home.

meet the gaghans. carissa(9), bill(40), tammy(42) and bill(12). my super duper favorite team in this season's race.

aside from the adorably cute children, what i love most about this family is how supportive they are of each other. they do so well, even if they're obviously the underdogs in the season because of the kids' age. they're perfect!!! whether ahead or behind, the parents never cease to give encouragement to their children. my heart melts when daddy billy (hehe) says "thank you for running so fast, carissa!", or "good eyes, carissa!".

they're so... sweet. it's impossible to watch the show and not fall in love with them! if they get eliminated, i will be crushed. really. =(

what can i say? i'm gaga over the gaghans!!! =P

oreo.

2005-10-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

oreo.

meet oreo, the latest icasas member. it's only his first day as a member of the family, but i'm pretty sure that's he's the most loved among all of us.

he hasn't done anything so far but look cute, eat, pee and sleep.

yup. definitely an icasas.

arf arf!!!

balance.

2005-10-10T13:59:00.000+08:00

balance.

currently listening to:Photograph/Nickelback.

it's so different now...

no more academic classes. not until january, at least. i've been on OJT with jackie, mel and ces for the past couple of weeks, and we've got a couple more weeks of it left. then it's off to work on our thesis. and then christmas break. and then one more term of classes. then no more classes for the rest of my life.

no more uaap games. my dad, vic, and i are still talking about the past season, and the roster of players for the next season--9 months from now. it's weird having nothing to do on thursday and sunday afternoons. they were always "game days" and now... they're nothing but ordinary days.

no more green&white. well, not really. it's still very much alive, but because im always at work, i barely get to visit the office or get any work done. i guess i'm kind of on leave of absence, but it's just so weird not being there and not being up to date on the place i've considered home for the past year and a half. i visit for a few minutes once or twice a week, then i go home. which sucks.

no more friends. ahuhuhuhu. 2 of my greatest friends (hi e and ches!) have moved far, far away---to places where crime is scarce and where thanksgiving is celebrated. it was only when they left that i realized that i now have no more saturday and sunday shopping partners. my other friends have begun working as well, some of them on the evening shift, which makes it worse. social life=non-existent.

no more sister. hehe. well, fine, my two sisters are still as present as ever, but carolyn is getting married next year (when? ewan ko sa kanya!). it's weird helping her make plans for the wedding. going to bridal fairs, scouting for reception venues... it's just so... different. i haven't imagined what life will be like after april/may/june/july... and i don't think i can handle it yet. so i focus on helping with plans.. and bahala na si batman.

...but things are still the same.

i'm still broke, and desperate to go shopping--for many, many things.

i'm still too lazy and tired to do anything but go home, eat, chat, eat, and head off to bed. then a new day begins. (usually all equivalent to a monday.)

and as usual, my blog post makes no sense to anyone... but me. which is nice to know, because after all, it is my blog... anyway.

closing this chapter.

2005-10-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

closing this chapter.

currently listening to:If You Leave/Nada Surf.

for a fabulous uaap basketball season.

for allowing the team to surpass everyone's expectations--reaching the final four was not feasible.

for the 18(?) wonderful games that the archers played this season, and for the 13(?) games that i went to.

for bringing me closer to my dad, vic, and cyn because of these games.

for my dad, who humored me by paying for every pre-game "good luck pizza", as well as humoring all our other "traditions".

for the mrt train rides, which was a venue for my dad and i to vent out our frustrations with the opposing team's crowd, or chatter excitedly about maierhofer's fantastic dunk.

for the people at home who made sure that my gang green shirt, green socks... (and other green pieces of clothing) were washed in time for the next game.

for the texts of congratulations or condolences from friends after each and every game.

for introducing me to gang green, a new set of friends who love lasalle as much as i do.

for making zobel the new junior champions.

for making me a lasallian...

and for making me proud of it.

for another year of uaap to look forward to.

thank you, Lord.

friiiiiday.

2005-09-30T12:13:00.000+08:00

friiiiiday.

currently listening to:the sound of my boss on the phone.

aaah. friday has arrived. then saturday and sunday briefly make themselves known to us, and then it will be time for monday once again. sigh.

it's been a weird couple of weeks. it's been too jumbled up to make any sense out of it, so i guess i won't bother. hehe. bahala na si batman.

-----------------------------

my marketing thesismates and i started our ojt at a PR company in makati, and it's been busy--but extremely fun, nonetheless. and we have computers! with ym! and internet! fabulous!!!

-----------------------------

yesterday's game 1--dlsu vs. feu was a sad game for the green archers, but oh well. you win some, you lose some. and there's still thursday. we'll gettem on thursday :). i can swear by the hair of my chinny chin chin that i did everything i could to support--i yelled til i had no air left in my lungs, i wore as much green as i could (really. hehe.), and i ate the traditional goodluck slice of pizza and glass of iced tea that my dad and i must have before each game. at least alam ko hindi ko kasalanan ang aming pagkatalo. haha.

the uaap season is drawing nearer to the end. im dreading it. really.

-----------------------------

yes, i am perfectly aware that once again, this blogpost makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. haha.

hello!

hay.

2005-09-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

hay.

currently listening to:Hey Jude/The Beatles.

admu 57 - dlsu 74

guh-rabe talaga. ang galing galing galing galing galing ni rico maierhofer. at ni joseph yeo. at ni ryan arana. at ni junjun cabatu. at ni jv casio. at ni ty tang (happy birthday!). at ni franz pumaren. at ng gang green. at ng green gallery. at ng pep squad. at ng buong dlsu men's basketball team.

really. what in the world is my family going to talk about when the uaap season is over?!?

see you on thursday!!!

i'm alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic...

2005-09-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

i'm alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic...

currently listening to: I'm Yours/Jason Mraz.

i've been meaning to blog about a lot of things. really.

a lot has happened recently (uaap games, ojt, uaap games...), i've just had a shortage of brain cells, and so, no messages are being transmitted to my finger muscles to start typing up a blog. (please, don't be offended. haha. labo nyo.)

unfortunately, my sleeping brain cells are snoring way too loudly for me at the moment to actually hear the thoughts running around in my head, and so, i have decided to join them sleep, and call it a day. (a day! finished! hehe. labo nyo talaga!)

just wanted to let you--(anyone who cares--and usually, caring people leave comments, hint hint!)--know that im alive.

so...

im alive!

nano-ism.

2005-09-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

nano-ism.

currently listening to:Roxanne/Sting.

presenting. the man of my dreams.

as big as a chicklets box. as thin as a pencil. comes in 2gig and 4gig. comes in black and white.

the new iPod nano.

i don't need it, i keep telling myself. over and over again.

i don't need it. i don't need it. i don't need it.

but my gollygollygoodness, i want it.

boom!

2005-09-13T00:17:00.000+08:00

boom!

currently listening to:Cry/James Blunt.

did anyone (from the south area) feel/hear a loud exploding noise at about 11:30pm tonight?

well, my pc monitor shook, along with the floor.

i asked around, and apparently, my other friends from the village heard it, and so i thought a lamp post exploded or lightning struck nearby, since the rain was so strong.

but then, i found out that my brother in cavite heard it, and so did my friends (and their friends!) from bicutan, las pinas and sucat. (hi to turo, melai, oj, hofi and karlo!)

of course, all sorts of theories popped out. lightning balls, thunderclaps, volcanic erruption, sonic booms, errr, tectonic movement... of course, nothing beats hof thinking that his dad fell off the bed :). (i have weird friends, i apologize).

anyway. we found the answer! (*clap*clap* for vic! you're a musician, photographer and a researcher!!!)

-----------------------------

taken from ABS-CBN

National (as of 11:49 PM)

Blast rocks Camp Bagong Diwa

A powerful explosion rocked the Camp Bagong Diwa in Bicutan in Taguig Monday night, DZMM reported.

A DZMM report said the explosion was heard from inside the logistics building at the camp at 11:15 p.m.

After the explosion, the building was engulfed by fire that triggered minor explosions.

Prichie Punzalan, a resident of Holy Family Village near the camp, said their four-story house shook because of the loud explosion.

Punzalan noted that around 11:30 p.m. some explosions were also heard from the logistics building.

Firemen responded to the area to contain the fire while policemen secured the vicinity of the camp.

As of posting time, policemen are still mum on the reason of the explosion.

Director Vidal Querol, chief of the National Capital Region Police Office (NCRPO), assured the public that the explosion was an accident.

He clarified that the explosion was not a terrorist attack.

-----------------------------

ayun lang.

hi sondra! :) (i promised i'd greet you, diba?)

-----------------------------

older.

2005-09-08T02:37:00.000+08:00

older.

currently listening to:Warrior Is A Child/Gary Valenciano.

they say that people grow wiser as they grow older...

i've learned however, that this is not always the case.

there are some instances, wherein days, weeks, months, and even years pass... but when it comes to certain things in life, one does not grow wiser--one just grows older.

and continues to make the same mistakes over and over again.

teambuilding at tanay.

2005-09-05T03:13:00.000+08:00

teambuilding at tanay.

currently listening to:Deep Inside Of You/Third Eye Blind.

nagteambuilding ang G&W '06 sa tanay, rizal noong Sept.1-3. napakasaya niya, kahit nag-overheat ang water tank at naubusan kami ng tubig, hindi nasusundan ang inaasahang schedule, naulanan kaming lahat habang kami'y nasa gubat, at late na kami nakauwi. hindi ako tumigil sa pagtawa... (at paglaro ng mahjong).

kaya kay kellyn, lorraine, mao, maris, mich, bea, manilyn, zeri, lisette, gerlene, carlo, jeff, marvs, zin, robert, reggie, turo, jamie, jorette, van, ana, kimpoy, kimlu, anya, cathi, cathy, aaron, kuya j, pranz, benson, and caren...

maraming salamat sa inyong pagpunta.

mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat.

rudy.

2005-08-30T19:41:00.000+08:00

rudy.

currently listening to:Ooh Child/Beth Orton.

it started out as satisfying a 3month long craving for excessive sugar.

but last night, i ended up making a new friend. for only P30.

meet rudy.

"rudy the radybug", as i fondly call him, is a bug with a GREAT sense of humor. he told jokes, he sang me songs, he kept me company when i was by myself, and told me great stories of the places he's been to. last night, i took him out with some friends and we had a blast.

he didn't like the pollution, so he preferred to stay inside my bag today. but he kept me company nonetheless.

what i didn't realize, is that he was weak when i met him, and that he was actually in his final moments as my other (human)friends and i were walking around manila zoo. when i finally saw him, he was a mess. he was in a million pieces! it was... horrible.

rudy and i were only together for 24 hours... however, rudy reminded me that the littlest things can make a person smile. also, i was reminded that you can act goofy, and people will still talk to you.

of course, i wouldn't have gotten through it all without oscar, my other P30 peso friend... but that's another story.

thanks, rudy. you were delicious. i'll miss you.

rest.

2005-08-26T00:51:00.000+08:00

rest.

currently listening to: Love Song For No One/John Mayer.

thesis is over. the term is over. for the next two weeks, i am going to do nothing but play neopets, sleep, eat,and hang out with friends. i've never felt more deserving. haha.

the beeeeyutiful start to my day was waking up after a 15-hour long slumber. yehep! 15 hours. *sigh*

also, today was ana banana's birthday! as they say, the best kinds of parties are those that are unplanned, and in the case of my barkada, this was true. attendance was decent, and of course, the food was fahhhhbulous. ana banana, a happy, happy birthday! i love you!!! :)

everyone but chard:(

kenelm, ans, and myself.

ana was holding me, scared i would fall. haha.

-----------------------------

i'm on break break break! wanna go out?! tara! (assuming i know you!) text in your appointments! hahaha! just kidding! (partly!!!) =)

-----------------------------

and on a note connected in no way whatsoever, please sign up for neopets at:

http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=wenk101

:). i dont know. ive gotten a lot of people to get addicted to it, but i never realized they had a referral program for it. shucks. so do me a favor and create an account----even if you have no intentions of playing;). thanks!!! :):):).

three.

2005-08-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

three.

currently listening to:Elephant Love Song Medley/Moulin Rouge.

monday: finals, finals.
tuesday: finals, finals.
(in other words, four final exams.)
wednesday: thesis defense.

three days to go, and then i can sleep, eat, watch UAAP games, and neopet my heart out. (which ive been doing anyway).

but it would be nice to do those things without feeling guilty:).

hay! three days to go! let's go archers, let's go! =P.

2005-08-13T11:19:00.000+08:00

currently listening to:You and Me/Lifehouse.

my head hurts.

last night, as sooooon as i got home from school, i changed into pajamas and went straight to bed. without eating dinner, without saying hi to my family, without even checking if someone was using the computer so i could resume thesis.

i slept for 14 hours.

aaaaaaaaah. sarap.

i know i've got days of thesis left, and i was scared out of my wits that my body couldn't handle any more 30 minute naps good for the next few days. at least i've slept. a complete thesis is all i need now. that and revel bars!

so for the next couple of days--goodbye again! :P.

29. and that's not my age.

2005-08-07T21:51:00.000+08:00

29. and that's not my age.

currently listening to:Taken/Plumb.

did you know that in your computer, when you have too many windows open, two little arrows appear at the end of your taskbar so can scroll up and down to see all of those windows? (and please just say yes, because i have no energy to explain).

well, im on my fourth taskbar. you know why?

because i have 29 windows open.

the only 3 non-thesis related windows open are for chikka, yahoo messenger and windows media player. and please don't tell me shut them off. please. im not chatting with anyone on YM, i promise. i just need to know that there people around so that i don't go totally bonkers. i need to text with chikka because time is wasted when i have to compose messages on my pathetic cellphone, when i could be typing faster. and i need music because... just please. don't make me shut them off.

and as of the moment, i want to kick myself for even opening a 30th window for blogger. i don't even have anything substantial or interesting to say. i need to get back to work. i need to get back to work. i need to get back to work.

-----------------------------
hay buhay, parang life.

wenk out!

yahoo!

2005-08-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

yahoo!

currently listening to:my ym going crazy.

there's no other way to de-stress than to gather a billion of your friends on a yahoo messenger conference, and...

talk about absolutely nothing of substance.

smile for the print screen!!! :)

salamat, g&w. :)

decomposing.

2005-08-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

decomposing.

currently listening to:Better/Jason Mraz.

the pimple in the middle of my face is practically AS BIG as my face.

my eyebags are so huge, that they've actually joined to MAKE UP my face.

in other words, i am a gigantic eyebag with a face-sized pimple.