missing.

currently listening to:Change Your Mind/Sister Hazel.

little by little, i find myself being swallowed by some personality that is not my own. by some sort of life that is only vaguely familiar, as if it were not mine.

i find myself being buried under lists and lists and lists of things that have yet to be done within the next few days, weeks and months--and the list shows no sign of growing shorter.

i find myself composing papers in my head as i take a shower or wait in line for my food.

i find myself wishing that i forgot my phones at home, if only to avoid more 'kris, can you....' texts and calls. i find myself wishing that i hadn't charged their batteries. in fact, i find myself dreading each call or text message that comes in.

i find myself spending more and more on food, because that's what i turn to when i'm in need of comfort. of course, i then find myself frantically trying to find a pair of pants that fit the next day, or a shirt that doesn't make me look pregnant.

i find myself being the butt of more and more jokes because i've been making more and more errors due to lack of sleep. today for example, i had lunch with my friends, and i started eating the food that my friend ordered... for himself. oops.

i find myself sleeping later and later in the wee hours of the morning, and thus find myself missing more and more and more and more and more classes.

i find myself living on lollipops lately, if only to have something stuck in my mouth to ensure that i can't fall asleep while reading chapters or writing papers (without difficulty, at least).

i find myself being totally dependent on the music of Sister Hazel, Dave Matthews Band and Ari Hest--so that at least somehow, i have people to "interact with". So i don't go too crazy.

i find myself wondering in disgust why i'm on the yearbook's literary team when i can't seem to spell "describes" on the first try. i typed in "describers" waaay too many times for me not to notice. the same goes for the word "unjustice." hee haw.

i find myself pressing ctrl+s (save) when all im doing is chatting with a friend on ym. talk about good habits.

i find myself wondering what on EARTH i am doing blogging at 10:27pm on a thursday night when i have 4 papers to write for tomorrow and have to wake up at 6:01am. goodness. what was i thinking?

sigh. so there you go. an update on my life.