useless.

currently listening to: i wish i could go back to college/avenue q.



i'm loving it. and hating it. and loving it.

more meaningful post coming soon. i promise.

(kenelm, i hope you get home safely as we speak. wahahahahahaha!)

tomorrow.
currently listening to: miss your love/maria mena.



in about 420 minutes, my family will be waking up. the house will be bustling with activity. there will be lots of running around and panicking.

in about 500 minutes, people will be arriving. lots and lots of people. people with cameras, blowdryers, flowers, boxes, cakes... they'll all be going in and out of the house. there will be more running around and panicking.

in about 780 minutes, my parents will be marching. they will be stopping in the middle, then everyone else will stand up. josh groban's "the prayer" will be playing. there will be tears. lots and lots of tears.

in about 840 minutes, party poppers will be passed around. there will be smiles and tears. there will be hugs. a kiss, even. there will be pictures, for sure. lots and lots of pictures.

in about 870 minutes, people will be celebrating. there will be food. there will be champagne. and laughs, smiles, and maybe a few more tears.

in about 1100 minutes, the day will be considered over for my family. there will be tired feet, swollen eyes, and hearts that are deciding between being happy or heavy. but for sure, it will be a good day.

or so i tell myself...

currently listening to: fragile/maria mena.
current SSMM (song status message of the mind):
i am fragile, i am hopeless,i'm not perfect, but i am free.


on nights like this, i am not afraid.
of you, of you, or even you.
of the darkness, of being alone.

on nights like this, my spirit cannot be broken.
shattered. torn into pieces.

i will not let my own thoughts trample over me.
overpower me. suffocate me.
not on nights like this.

the ride of your life.

currently listening to: ride of your life/oliver james.


can't deny your feelings anymore
the world is waiting right outside your door
what are you waiting for?

come on here's your chance
dont let it slip right through your hands
are you ready for the ride of your life?


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

there are an unbelievable number of things going on in my life right now, and i'm so overwhelmed with which to look forward to and which to dread that there is nothing left in me but an extremely bittersweet taste in my mouth and a very befuddled wenk.

but does everything really have to happen at once? i'm ready to say goodbye to you, but not to you... i can't wait to get here, but i can't until i go through this... i can't wait to do this, but i might miss out on this. you get the point.

the uncertainty of my life is killing me. the days are getting so short that there doesn't seem to be enough time to do anything. there's no time to ponder on the gravity of the situations i'm in and the impact that the next two weeks will be having on my life. there's no time to appreciate all the exciting firsts and the many, many, many lasts. i can't wait for then to get here. i can't wait to get this period of my life over with. i can't wait to stop and look back. i can't wait for new experiences. but at the same time, i'm not ready to say goodbye. and i'm definitely not ready to let go.


indeed, the only thing constant in life is change.