words.

currently listening to: Something About You/Five for Fighting.

i am a female with a lot of frustrations. i always wished i could cook. drive. lose weight and eat less. wear skirts (nah). dance. be taller. use my head and not my heart. sing. play the guitar. play the sax. play the violin. play the piano. eat and eat and not get fat. write and speak filipino well. be disciplined. draw. have direction. blah blah blah.

i also wish i could write well.

it's one of my biggest frustrations. i'm a very talkative person--i love talking. but i am more in love with using a pen and paper (or rather, a keyboard and a monitor) to pour my heart out.

i love being able to rant and express whatever thoughts rattle and bounce around in my mind. i love hearing the clickety-clack of the keyboard as my fingers on the keyboard try to match the speed of the words in my head.

but i lack the talent. i write about useless things. i write about the events of my day--whether they were interesting or not. i write about falling in or out of love. i write about the latest uaap game. i write about things that are important to me... and only me. i write about nothing. but i wish i could write about everything.

for someone who doesn't really write well, i get so-called "writer's block" a lot. i want to write. i even yearn to write/blog... but i don't have anything to say. i get so frustrated sometimes, because i just don't have... "substance" in my writings.

unfortunately, no matter how much i love to write--my words and thoughts go as far as thelifeofawenk.blogspot.com and password-protected microsoft word documents. because that's all they're worth.

(of course, comments on my blog make it a more meaningful experience... *hint*hint*)

anyway. that's about it... another day in the life of a wenk. thanks for reading this. a stupendous day to you all! =).

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r: hehehe, whatever!
roanne: as i said, the closing of my blog is a story best left untold. but yes, i shall rant away--ako pa! thanks for visiting! =)
ilse: what are you talking about? those chords were never wrong in the first place!!! =P
patty: a wenk is whatever you want it to be. hahahaha. thanks again for the permission to steal! =).

back to the blogging world.

currently listening to: The Space Between/Dave Matthews Band.

first of all, i apologize about the pathetic tone of my first entry--it was a stressful day and i needed an outlet (yet i didn't feel like talking to anyone, 'cept my computer)... so thank you to everyone for their sweet comments =).

i can't express how much i've missed blogging. over the month that i wasn't blogging (i swear, it's a complicated story--don't bother asking), i must've said "ooh, i wish i could blog about this!" a million and seventeen times.

i honestly can NOT believe that i wasn't able to blog (*and gloat*) about DLSU being the UAAP basketball champs. oh well. the green fever has once again subsided for the next eight months, and this means that my Atenean friends and I are can once again be on speaking terms =) (believe it or not, i actually have one or two of them!).

anyway, i just wanted to let you all know how thankful to have friends like you guys--even to those i barely know--thanks for expressing your concern while i was gone. it's people like you guys who make life as great as it is =).

--> haha, i just realized how "mood-swingy" i must appear to be--going from suicidal to thankful in two posts!

like it or not, wenk is back.

welcome to my blog.

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r: thanks for the "=(", it's nice to know you care =P.
mela: thanks for your wisdom, i'm so lucky to have you as my friend! ... to take me home!!! =).
kessa: thanks for the comment--unfortunately, i'm not graduating yet. not in the near future. not at all. but thanks anyway!
jingo: i'm not graduating soon, but eventually, yes, i will be a proud graduate from the best university in the country... hehehehe. peace tayo.
aaron: yep, as back to "normal" as i can get--whatever that means!
cyn: i know! i need basketball games back in my life! argh!
podi: that was one of my favoritest comments ever. thanks. really. =) .
ara: amen! the present is to be enjoyed =) .
ilse: hey you =).
vera: no need to tell me--i don't need to be reminded to do such a thing =).
patty: sorry for being such a thief and thank you narin... you know why =). may God bless your heart. hehehehehe.

left behind.

currently listening to:Collide/Howie Day.

i don't know if it's the fact that i got 3 hours of sleep last night, that i did horribly on my markser midterm exam today, that i have 4 more midterm exams this week, that i have papers and papers and papers to write, that i am constantly worrying about my thesis, that the idea of getting a grand total of at even 10 hours of sleep this week would be virtually impossible, that i'm just about due for 'that time of the month', that i'm somewhere between feeling sick and being sick, that my skin is breaking out due to lack of sleep and water, and that i am constantly getting comments from siblings and friends that i am gaining weight...

but im depressed.

over the past few weeks, i have realized that i have no direction whatsoever in life. the final stab in the heart was when a good friend of mine told me the other night the same thing thats been haunting me for a while:

i have no direction. i have no direction. i have no direction.

everyone's lives seems so promising. everyone seems to know where they're headed. everyone seems to have accomplished something. everyone seems to be so motivated towards something. everyone seems to have the talent to achieve what they want to achieve. everyone seems to be so confident about where they're going.

everyone but me.

i am a laid-back person. i love just hanging around with good company. i love not doing anything--and laughing and talking the day away. i love living in the moment of things.

but lately, i've realized that i'm turning 21 in a couple of months--and i have nothing to show for it. i have no goals. i have no vision. i have no direction. and i'm really, really hating myself for it. they say that what you need is passion. well, i have the passion to be passionate about something... does that count? unfortunately, no, it doesn't.

as i stare at my "to do list" for the week, i feel the urge to cry, scream, bang my head on the wall, and stab myself with my black pilot v5 signpen. i feel myself panicking--because of my to do list, and because i'm scared about the rest of my life.

i'm officially on the verge of breaking down. i am beyond disappointed in myself. and worst of all---i feel left behind. and horribly, horribly alone.