come and gone.

currently listening to: eva's music. hehe.

the christmas season just flew by this year. in fact, it flew by so fast that i didn't realize it was over, and that i didn't even get to blog about it! oh my!

the holiday spirit differs as you get older. it just doesn't seem as exciting as it used to be. as opposed to being "the most wonderful time of the year", it's just more of... a break.

the christmas lights in the village used to amaze me so much that my dad and i once went around with our video camera in order to capture all the bongga lights. this year, the houses and streets now seemed lifeless--a sad attempt at seeming festive.

christmas mass wasn't as inspiring this year. the annual mass we go to on christmas eve is one of my favorite parts of the season. it never ever fails to get me in the mood to go home and celebrate christmas "the icasas style". this year, however, there were so many technical difficulties that it was hard to appreciate the beauty of the celebration. instead of the mass giving me tears and bucketloads of appreciation for the season, i just felt like giggling a few times. how sad.

the one thing i am grateful for, of course, is that midnight with my family was as great as ever. pictures have yet to be uploaded on my multiply account, but really, christmas with my family is NOT a boring thing. really. if there were a way to invite all my friends to experience christmas eve with us, i would. we have a way of... spicing this up. and the gifts just keep getting better and funnier :).

so no, christmas is no longer about the gifts, the lights, the parties, or even *gasp* the money... it's more and more about family each year. yay for family! :)

on answered prayers.

currently listening to: fidelity/regina spektor.

anyone who knows me at all knows what sort of situation i've been in the past few months... rather, the lack of situation that i've been in. a situation that's been getting me quite depressed the past few weeks.

however, as of yesterday, i can officially scratch off an important 2006 new year's resolution. prayers were answered just as i was giving up, and the timing was impeccable, as always.

gumagana ang dasal. ang galing talaga.

on changes.

currently listening to: desire/ryan adams.

things are changing so quickly. too quickly.

it's been MONTHS since graduation, but somehow, it only really begins to sink in today how much things have changed and how much people have moved on.

i had lunch with very good college friends (hello k,j,j&j!) today. it was bittersweet because although it was great seeing them again, i knew it was also the last time i was going to see one of them for a LoOoOoNG time because he's graduating and moving back to the province tomorrow =(. it was also weird hearing about their drinking escapades with their officemates or about things that happened with their thesis group or newfound friends--things that didn't involve me at all.

i went online to read a friend's status message saying something like, "IT'S TIME! SEE YOU IN ASIAN HOSPITAL!". i found out a few weeks ago that him and his girlfriend were going to have a baby boy (apparently tonight), and it's just weird because the last time i saw them, she wasn't even pregnant yet.

i checked my multiply account to find that pictures of G&W 2007's christmas party were uploaded. i looked at them and realized that i didn't know everyone anymore, and that it was no longer my G&W batch. it's a new batch of people going to overnights, sleeping in the office, and complaining about bad write-ups. sigh.

it's the same story: blogs, friendster and multiply accounts (and apparently even YM status messages) tell me that the world has moved on--and that it will continue to move on. i'm sad but happy at the same time. i'm extremely happy that things are working out so well for the people i love...

...i just need a little less self-pity to realize that certain things don't include me anymore. but i'm working on it :).



***end of useless and pointless dramatic post***

on giving up.

currently listening to: desire/ryan adams.

when you feel like giving up on someone or something, all you really need is persistence and a little optimism. not giving up. not giving in. the mere act of believing that things CAN and WILL get better can make a huge difference.

life is better... because i want it to be.

on being true to myself.

currently listening to: you can't always get what you want/the rolling stones.

a few weeks ago, i thought i was hitting rock-bottom. it's been months since graduation and somehow, all the "aren't you working yet?" and "you're still a bum!?!" questions were really starting to get to me and were starting to make me feel like a first-class loser. thoughts like "no one wants me", "i'm not good enough to do anything" and "i'm a failure" crossed my mind at all times of the day.

but things have changed now. yes, i am still unemployed, but i am more content with my present state. i no longer feel sorry for myself. i no longer feel the urge to hide from friends online, trying to avoid embarassing questions regarding my employment status. i am finally excited about christmas, instead of dreading it for the sole reason that "i have no money to buy anyone presents".

i am content and i am blessed. i have a fabulously supportive family and group of friends, and that's all i really need at present. the rest will come later--in due time--and i'm completely fine with that :).


( and thank you to everyone who posted a comment in the previous post. the extremely strange and funny memories really cheered me up!!!:) )